Truest clich� if I've ever heard one. You always know what you should have done later on, instead of what you actually did at the moment. Sometimes you did the right thing and you're relieved and/or pleased to know you were smart. But those times, especially in my case, seem to be outweighed by moments of Doh! I should have done that...or this! or Why in the world did I do that? Yeah, sometimes regret, self-recrimination, anger and embarrassment follow in hindsight's wake.

Emode or Tickle.com says my super power would be Time Travel. Heh, yeah just call me The Time Traveler or Time Sweeper or Mistress of Time. (I tried Mother Time, but that didn't have the same ring to it as Father Time. Go figure.)

Time travel would actually be a useful power to have, albeit a rather sticky one. I'd need to be careful about who'd see me and what I'd say and change. Last night, as I lay in bed thinking about this and what I would say in this entry, I didn't have to wait very long before I knew how I would use this power. It would be neat if I could just go back in time and leave myself warning notes here and there, I thought. Don't do this... Don't do that. You'll be better off if you avoid saying this.

There's this Night World book called Soulmate where the girl is an Old Soul so she's always reincarnated. Her soulmate is a vampire, who's wanted by Maya, the first vampire. It's a love triangle thing, sorta. For Maya, it's more of an ego thing and she doesn't want anyone else to have Thierry. So she kills poor Hannah each time before she and her love can find happiness together.

The reason I brought this up is Hannah had subconsciously started leaving herself notes, warning herself away from a blonde stranger. She--and who could blame her?--subconsciously did not want to die another time before she was 17 or 18. My thoughts just reminded me of this book.

So yeah, I would leave myself warning notes. "Don't get so sucked up in the Internet chatting world." "Don't take Stephen back so easily." "Keep heart, faith is not always easy." "Stick to what you believe in and always be yourself." "Don't apologize for who you are." "This time, be the one to walk away from Evan. Don't take him back; he will never be able to look past your disability." "Do not reopen communications with Stephen." And "Sometimes it's wiser to follow your first inclination and keep a lid on a naughty comment."

This last one could have been useful a few days ago. I've been talking to a nice guy on Yahoo! for about a week now, and around the fourth day (or night, that's when we mostly talk) he made the comment of wanting to get to know me inside and out. And of course, a risque comment sprang to the tip of my tongue. Naughty me. 'Course he wanted me to tell him what I was thinking, so I made the pun about knowing me inside out. Um, that's not a mistake I'll make again. It wouldn't have been a mistake though, if he hadn't jumped gears and put the tone of later conversations in "what-if" and future mode. He wants someone in his life to love and to love him. Nothing wrong there. I want that as well. But he's going at Mock 10 speed!! I spent the day before yesterday and part of yesterday explaining: yes, I like him. Yes, he turns me on, but I need time to get to know him. I want a friendship first; I've been burned, cheated on, I don't give my heart quickly or easily. I don't want this ruined.

Heck, I haven't told him about the disability yet. I hinted at it, but I haven't come right out and said it. If he continues increasing speed I will have to tell him, which will more than likely end our association, or I will have to tell him "I'm sorry, this is going too fast. I can't give you what you want as this time. If you want someone now, then your best bet would be the other woman you've been talking to."

And life will go on.

Yes, hindsight is definitely 20/20.

moon phase