� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
�
Sweet November
Sweet November
You stole my heart
And let it go
With all the fear and doubt
Sweet November
You opened my mind
With all the sweetness that you left behindAnd I'm living
With a vision of you
All the days grow colder but I know
It's not the way I'm holding on
But how I'm letting go
And how I will remember
Sweet NovemberNow you're with me
You're with me in the sun
I'm a baby in a world that's just begunNow you're with me
You're with me in the rain
I'm so glad that I will never be the same'Cause I'm living
With a vision of youAll the leaves are falling
They're falling down like snow
It's not the way I'm holding on
It's how I'm letting go
And how I will remember you
Sweet November
Sweet NovemberHeather Nova
Most, as I've said before, are inspired by events or observations in my life; therefore, they offer brief but vivid glimpses into my history. At least, I think so. They'll need some work, I'm sure, and obviously they won't be added chronologically by the years I wrote them, but by the time periods they're about. My only fears are if I can get this published and if anyone will buy a copy. My life isn't too awe-inspiring. But an anthology of poems, essays and fun lil clips would be interesting...yes? No?
At least I have, am and will be doing something I love while compiling it. Writing. Having it published will be a tangible testament to my efforts. Holding the book in my hand would say, "I did this. I accomplished my goal. I did something worthwhile."
My sister and I got into it today about how I do nothing, that my time on this computer is excessive. True, I spend a lot of time on this baby, but I spend it writing. Or playing games sometimes. Not to mention email and chatting. But the writing is the majority. I love it, as you all know who read regularly. Last night she (Kami) caught part of Larry King's show. He interviewed a guy who had no legs and arms below the knee and elbow joints. This guy played football and wrestled all through high school. He was doing great things, Kami said.
And here I've sat, blessed with all my limbs plus a good mind, on an actual degree in something worth making a career out of for a year. I've grown comfortable, she said, with my life. I'm content to do nothing. I have done nothing, she concluded. Yet this guy with no arms and legs hasn't let anything stop him. Gee, when you put it that way I am a bum. I just sit on my arse all day, clickity-clacking away on zee keyboard.
She is half-right though. I am comfortable. I've admitted it myself before. But she forgets my past attempts at moving out and my (admittedly) half-hearted attempts at getting a job up at zee college. And I could try and explain my justifications/reasoning to her, but from past experiences I know she may listen, yet that doesn't necessarily mean she'll accept them or agree with them. She'd just shake her head and keep spouting her opinion. Then walk away when done, firmly believing I'm wasting my life, my talents.
She also conveniently forgot her own mistakes made in the past two or three years. So we're on par I think, at least, a lil. What made me furious was it felt a lil like the scene in the Bible, where Jesus told the people "Let who is without sin cast the first stone," when the Jews tried stoning a prostitute. That's an overdramatization, of course, but put the comparison this way. Kami messed up at CEU, not finishing her degree there. She's now trying to finish it at the I.F. ISU campus, however, while trying harder to succceed in that she's still skipping classes whenever she really, really doesn't want to go. Now, that's the way to get your degree, uh-huh.
*sigh* Yes, I'm comfortable, but I'm ready for my own space, my own rules, a slight change in routine. I'm ready to meet new people, to see what else life has for me or what I have to offer life. The only reasons I haven't gotten the ball rolling again on a job and finding a place of my own since it was decided I wasn't moving in with Heather are simple. People can look at these and decide what they believe, I don't care. Either I'm justifying staying home a few more months in saying I'm helping with Mom's extra income (she's paid by the State to be my care provider) until they (my parents) get their Internet business up and running, or I'm really interested in helping them keep afloat with their bills. Either I'm justifying staying home a few more months by saying, what the heck, it will be easier to move in the spring. And I am comfortable. Plus, Mom agreed to help me find a place then, so why bother now? Or, I am being pragmatic about this. Logical. And, either I'm justifying not getting a job right now because I'm comfortable at home, or I'm following advice from the guy at Vocational Rehab (Voc Rehab), who suggested it would be better to get the apartment first. That way I won't be commuting every day I work to and from Rexburg to wherever my apartment is...or will be.
I could explain all this, I even started to, but on she went with her view of me...wasting my life, my degree, my talents. She wasn't getting it so I quit trying before I said something hurtful.
I am going to try to put together this anthology, see if a small publishing company would be interested in it and see what comes from this project. That means I gotta start plotting the genesis, deciding what I what in this anthology--if I want any brief explanations of entries and so forth--and where I wish to end it. I'm scared at the idea of doing it as I've said, however. I keep playing the what-if game. What if no publisher wants it and hates the idea? What if, by some miracle, it does get published, but nobody but my family and friends buy it? What if this whole idea is a dud? Am I just going to be wasting more time?
|
moon phase |
