� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
�
Life is funny, ironic, mysterious, coincidental. Some even say it's destined or fateful. As a Mormon I believe in free agency, so I don't put much stock in Fate. But I will admit on occasion it's felt like things were meant to be, like I've been guided on a certain path. Certain things have fallen into place as well quite easily.
I've been talking recently of self-discovery, how Kirk needs it, how Heather's on her path and how, though started roughly 10 years ago, I'm still on that path...though this one is my own. I say life is funny or mysterious or coincidental and ironic because it throws us curves and twists when we least expect it. Big ones, small ones, it doesn't matter. What matters is how we deal with these curves or twists.
Last week was a Week From Hell. I'm not going to be a good Mormon girl and pussyfoot around the word by saying "heck" or "Hades." It really was hell, so why tone it down? It's so funny how something so painful and brimming with heart-and-soul ache can be worth it 100 times over by the time it's through. Oh, I never want to go through that hell again, but if I had to I would. Simply to learn whatever valuable lesson I need to know. I would hate it, but I'd weather it to uncover its value.
Life is ironic or coincidental. My soul sistership with Heather shows that. Time and time again in the five years of our friendship our lives have paralleled during certain experiences. Last week was one of those times. We both went through our own hells, but hers was for a slightly different reason. She was struggling with a decision and its consequences, mightily I might add. The same decision and consequences that I'd contemplated myself about five or six years previous.
Part of the hell was the wall she'd erected between us. It was up only a short time, but even so it was maddening. I couldn't understand why she couldn't have made the decision secretly without the wall. True, it was one she needed to make on her own, but I couldn't understand why she felt it necessary to distance herself.
"Because I thought you'd react like *J*. But you're not her! You're you." Heather then explained how she'd thought I'd be horrified, shocked and dismayed, perhaps even pushing Mormon doctrine at her.
But I didn't. Yes, I was scared and dismayed she would make the decision opposite of what I did and hoped she make, but I couldn't reprimand or light into her. I couldn't judge her or cast a stone. Not when I've been where she was. I completely understood her reasoning, how she felt, what led her to that decision because it was my reasoning, my feelings and I'd walked that path before. I think Heather finally realized I know her better than she thought. In sorting through this and getting past this unexpected test of our friendship secrets were shared and laid bare. We've bonded more in the past week--in fact, this entire summer--than we have in a six month period.
Life is mysterious. I met Lynda through an LDS ICQ chatroom. Lynda at the time was engaged to a Mike, and they were to be married on my birthday. Mike turned out to be a lascivious jerk whose family ended up in I.F. He met me in person and for awhile we played the game of friends. Lynda saw his true self and broke it off. But Mike wasn't too torn up over her loss; he was already chasing after Heather. And it's because of him Heather and I met.
We don't always know why things happen, only that they do. When I first moved home I was only going to stay a year. Heh. Now look at me. Three years later from my original plan and I'm only now making a concerted effort and taking action in that direction. But in thinking about it, had I moved, this relationship with Heather would not be what it is. As it has grown I've felt that we've needed each other, that this friendship is an important one. That perhaps we chose each other or were given each other to help the other through life and eternity.
This bond is unique. I've never had its type before...nor do I think I will again. I have few friends; most of them I consider best friends, but even among them there is one who is different, who is apart from them. Heather. Our bond is tangible. It's like a living entity between us or like a cord, made of moonbeams, that connects between her heart or life to mine. I'm tired and am probably mucking up this explanation, but it's the best I can do now. This is a powerful bond and it scares me. Simply because of how strong it is.
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