� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
�
Whoever said, "If it weren't for bad luck, there'd be no luck at all," was a wise, wise person. *half smile* Our furnace quit working this morning. The part needing replacing? $160. *nods* I know, pricey. But we can't keep hauling room heaters up and down the stairs. Although...that might develop some muscles after awhile... *grins*
Then there was a brief power surge yesterday mornin'. Jon turned on my overhead light, and as the switch flipped up bright orange sparks sizzled out of a light socket. The lightbulb shot out of its socket like a torpedo. The part that screws in was still stuck in the fixture. The rest of the metal portion of the bulb was blackened. Shock surely registered on our faces as we watched. It took less than three seconds, but boy, was I glad nobody was under that light.
Performance Evaluations
These are from actual federal employee evals.
1) Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.Mom cried as Dad read these from an email, she was laughing so hard. I thought she would split a side. Enjoy 'em.2) I would not allow this employee to breed.
3) This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't-be.
4) Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
5) When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.
6) He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
7) This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
8) He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
9) This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
10) This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
11) Got a full six-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
12) A gross ignoramus--144x worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
13) He does not have ulcers, but he is a carrier.
14) I would like to go hunting with him sometime.
15) He has been working with glue too much.
16) He would argue with a signpost.
17) He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.
18) When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.
19) If you see two people talking, and one looks bored, he is the other one.
20) A photographic memory, but with the lens cover glued on.
21) A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
22) Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
23) Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
24) He has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
25) If he were any more stupid, he would have to be watered twice a week.
26) If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
27) If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
28) It is hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
29) One neuron short of a synapse.
30) Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
31) Takes him two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
32) The wheel is turning, but the hamster's dead.
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