� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
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As I prowl this neighborhood I've noticed a few things and in living with my human and her family, I've learned through experience how much power a cat really has. And because I'm inside and in a cheery mood I'll share the secrets, or rules, all cats eventually learn.
Rule #1, Doors: Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get door open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. (This has worked exceptionally well for whenever I've wanted to come in from outside. Almost always, Mama {my human} cannot resist my command to be let in.)
Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things.
This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. (It reminds the humans that we are the ones in control. You might as well know now--to avoid any embarrassing or demeaning faux pas you may commmit unwittingly in the future--that they are the staff and we are the employers. Although, my humans have always let me in under these conditions. They've never made me go out in poor weather. I'm lucky in that and hmmm...they do have a soft spot for me. Heh, I knew I was so irresistible!
Rule #2, Helping or hampering: If one of your humans is engaged in some activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping," otherwise known as "hampering." Following are the rules for "hampering:"
1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted. (This has worked for me in times past with my human's mother, although the pain of a stepped-on appendage and the temporary indignity might not be worth it to some.)Rule #3, Walking: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.
2) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.(With some humans it might work; I however, have never had much sucess with this trick.)
3) For paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work as possible. Or at least pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or pen. (Pens make great toys btw.)
4) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. Humans love to jump. (This reminds them you're in the room too and you are the one who decides when it is time to and whom will ignore whom.)
5) When your human is working at the computer, jump up on desk, walk across keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen and then lay in human's lap across arms, hampering the typing in progress.(When I do this to Shiloh, she pulls me into her arms for a brief cuddle, then deposits me, her favorite feline, to her bed. Sometimes I want more of a cuddle so I quickly turn around and re-transfer myself to her lap and get in her face. Oh! and loud purring is essential; this lets your human know youu are content and have no intention of moving.)
Rule #4, Bedtime: Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around. (I'm a thoughtful kitty, because I don't sleep on Shiloh when I visit her in the early morning. I just hop up on the bed and pad my way to her face and then nudge her with my own furry one.)
Rule #5, Litter box: When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes. (I seem to have quite intelligent humans. The man with the mushtache got me a litter box with high sides and put it in a box with a square cut out as a door for me to do my business in. Now I can't indulge scattering my litter outside my box! =0{)
Rule #6, Hiding: Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you. Do not come out for three or four hours under any circumstances. This will cause the humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the humans will cover you with love and kisses and you will probably get a treat. I've tried this three or four times. Sometimes it works great--meaning I get the attention I'm wanting and the treat. But I recommend staying in your own neighborhood, because it's an unsafe world out there. I should know, because, as an older kitten I went exploring too far one time. It was not an adventure I'd want to repeat. For my curiosity I was hit by a human's car and sustained a spiral fracture, I believe my doctor said, to my back left leg. *shudders* I had nightmares for weeks afterward, reliving that horrible experience. I'm just grateful some young woman took me into her care until my mama came and brought me home.)
And lastly, Rule #7, The rear-end: Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially their face, turn around and present your rear-end to them. This'll get them to turn you around and rub your face or pet you.
Remember, if you follow these rules then you'll have them trained in no time, and they'll know who's the boss...and who's the hired help.
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Dogs have masters, cats have staff.
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moon phase |
