� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
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Emotionally, today in contrast, I feel like I can't do much right. I made great headway on the workbook yet only a small dent in my extra credit this weekend. I tried doing more of it today, but after Mom was asked about my owing Medicaid the monthly "$53" buckaroos that I haven't paid I was in a funk and concentrate with a growing headache. (I haven't been able to pay it regularly!) So, Mom tried setting up an appt. with zee lady, but she wasn't in. So Mom called me at home and started telling me I need ta look at my bank account. I know what's in my account cause I looked it up earlier this month.
But then we got into how could my money be disappearing. Well let's see, there's the AOL, the phone bill, the stupid Medicaid bill, my rent... Those are the set expenses--well the phone bill will vary--and then I have what Dad terms the "variable" expenses, like gas and whatever treat I buy myself. Anyways Mom said they--and my bank account should be set figures. Uuummm, no. My balance at the end of each month varies. Anyways we ended up in a big miscommunication. Anyways she's going to want an account of my expenses this month so she can show the lady there is a problem here if I can't pay Medicaid its stinking $53. Lucky me I know where every dollar spent went; I haven't bought much or paid anything 'cept bills. (Maybe I should be an accountant's wife after all; he can do the expenses.) I'm just tired of the state wanting to know every facet about my doings.
Then this weekend I haven't used my new chair--btw, it's irridescent black--because I've had to do homework at the table because I didn't need the translator. Dad wanted me to take it to church (and this may be a lame excuse), but the new one isn't quite comfortable because the feet rests stick out a bit so I'm not at 90 degrees. Plus the bolt is at my knee and therefore hurts. Another reason is it's a bit touchier than this old one and I'm a bit nervous about navigating the narrow aisles in the rooms. So it's sat in the family room. People have looked to see me in it, but then I show up in the teal chair and... I just feel guilty at not using it and getting used to it.
I just feel like I have so much yet I'm doing didley. I also feel partly overwhelmed in the math cause I want to get so much done so I can pass so I can graduate. Once I graduate I'm done with school. I'm ready to start a new phase and with a clean slate. Please let it be in Utah... I have so many dreams, so many hopes. Yet today I feel almost like that broken winged bird. My dreams aren't dead, but if I don't get the extra credit in on time and Valley Medical waits on the changes needing to be made on the chair, the chances of them happening next spring/summer (if I'm able to move then) are bleak.
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moon phase |
