� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
�
This is a make up entry for yesterday. Nothing happened today, so you get to hear about yesterday. I hope Darren doesn't mind this (if you do, please tell me and it'll be stricken from the record). I had an interesting conversation with him in the afternoon. It seems my minor should have been counseling instead of Native American Studies. A couple friends have come to me more frequently wanting me to help now an' then. I gladly do; it's nice because it gets my mind off me, me, me! Darren now has a girlfriend. I knew this most likely was going to happen as we are so far away, but I didn't expect him to ask me to be his guide in this relationship.
"I definitely will seek your advice," he said then added, "...if you're ok with it?"
At first I didn't understand. Why would he need my advice? He's been in relationships before. I have limited experience and can't keep anyone interested in me for more than a month. Well, except for the two flukes, Evan and Stephen.
"You know what women like..." he clarified.
"Um," I answered a bit uncomfortably, "I just know what I like..."
"That will be fine," he replied.
He continued saying that if anything came up he'd ask me. If I had no clue, he'd try to figure it out. Was I cool with that?
Well, I don't mind giving advice if it helps, but as I told him, look at it from my point of view: I almost had two guys, but it turned sour on both counts and I've never been in a really serious relationship. I've never been in love really. I don't have any guy interested in me, yet people are beginning to ask for my guidance in their romantic lives. Plus, a guy who acted interested in me for awhile is now turning to me for advice when he'll need advice. Now, before you think I'm bitter, I will once again say I'll be there with suggestions if my friends really need me. I don't begrudge them happiness.
But as I also asked Darren, wouldn't you feel lonely if you had had my experiences with guys and had nobody, but people asked you for relationship advice?
"Wouldn't it feel weird?" I concluded.
He agreed and apologized. There was nothing to forgive. It wasn't his fault he doesn't know I'm lonely at times without a special someone. Darren, as I said, I'll help occasionally, but I only know what I like.
He was afraid things might change between us because of this. It won't change the basic friendship, no. But it has undergone a subtle change already. We no longer flirt, he doesn't talk to me half as much as he used to--partly because he's really busy, partly because of his sole interest in his girlfriend. That's ok. He still likes talking to me. I just...don't have his interest anymore. "...love the way you express yourself through a machine that can be so impersonal at times. I believe you have a gift for writing...plus I pick up tips on how to express myself better."
*sigh, shakes self* Get out of this melancholy, girl! Stop feeling sorry for yourself! So what if you can't keep a man interested? If they can't stay interested, then they are right for you. *sigh* I hate self-pity. Sorry.
But I had a bit of a pick-me-up to help last night. I got a call from my best bud from childhood days. Andrea! She's graduating and is trying to get a job teaching mentally or physically disabled men (in their 20s) reading, writing and math I believe. She wanted me as a reference. How cool is that? I think it would be an awesome job for her. She has a love for the disabled that is rare.
"I don't think they (the disabled) are understood," she said. "I want to help people to see they are normal just like anyone else."
*smiles* She once got ssoo flipping mad one night when our Family Home Evening group was doing a talent show because we couldn't find an entrance to the stage at Ricks. I'd never seen her so torqued before just because a place was not up to ADA standards. I was used to the situation of inaccessibility. I just marveled at her reaction. It was kinda funny to see. We reminisced about that yesterday and laughed. I hope she gets the job. 
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moon phase |
