In nine days I'll be 30. That's right, the Big 3-0. That milestone age some 20-something-year-olds dread turning. Like me, for instance. Ever since I was 25, I've dreaded this age. I have refused to say I'm 26, I'm 27, I'm 28 and 29 very often. Instead I've said, "I'm 25 version one, two, three, four." As long as I'm in my 20s I can pretend I'm still 25. *innocent young look* Besides, come to think of it, I can still say I'm 25 version five... And no one can contradict me, because it's true. Heheheh. I'm young looking too, so that's an upside for me.

It may be vain, silly and useless to dread a certain age as we all get older, but that doesn't stop us from grumbling or whining about it as we feel its gray dawning drawing nearer and nearer each year. I've certainly felt the noose tightening on my birthday every year since 25, and my desire to celebrate the next one goes down even farther on the Excitement Scale for a bit. Yet as I typed an email to a pen pal in England a week ago, I got to wondering the more I warmed up to telling her how I dreaded turning 30.

Why did I dread turning 30? Why, if it's a milestone age, do people dread it so much; why make it the Big 3-0 then? What's so important about being 30?

The more I thought about it during the rest of the email, the more I saw it was nothing. I suppose I dreaded turning 30--still am not too thrilled about it as I'll be that much closer to being middle-aged (40)--because our culture has this hype about turning the "Big 3-0!" "Oooooo, the Big 3-0 is coming up, eh? Glad it's you and not me." *person laughs*

This kind of...comment...leaves the person turning 30 and other people in their late 20s who have yet to turn 30 less than enthusiastic about the age. So it's no wonder I and others have dreaded it. But as I reviewed my feelings on this that day, I discovered I have no valid reasons for disliking it. In fact, other than falling in with the negative hype, I have no reasons at all. None, whatever. Oh, I thought I did in the past, but I realized it was all hooey. Well, to a certain degree.

By now, at the age of 30 or somewhere close around there, most of my cousins and friends have hubbies/wives and kiddies of their own and/or jobs they like fairly well. I don't. Nearing 30 I'm back living at home, I pay rent and part of the DSL bill and two years after graduation from ISU I'm still unemployed. These would be excellent reasons to dread and be depressed over reaching the age of 30 if there weren't other factors involved. Namely my C.P. and seizures. Thus, it's hooey. Yet, even though my situation is vastly different than those of relatives and friends, even with my situation, I could have been more social and active in the outside world in looking harder for a job. People more severe than me have done more than I have in these regards. So, in that light it's not complete hooey.

Yet, now that 30 is just days away, I can't get too bummed about it. Partly because the arrival of my newest nephew could happen anytime now and we have family visiting for the next two weeks. And, as I said, 30 is really nothing. At least, for me. I realized it's just a number.

So, why then, is 30 a milestone number? What's so...uundevar or wow...about this numeral? All I could figure out that day as I pondered was, again, nothing. It's, as I've just said, a number. The only reason in my mind people mark it as a milestone is it's between the still youthful 20s and middle age (the 40s). I'm not necessarily a "young" woman anymore, and I'm not middle-aged yet. I definitely am not old; I'm just...in between now. Definitely an adult in her prime; not a budding youth or rosebud, but a fun, mature woman or rose in full bloom for many to enjoy.

Thirty, I've discovered in the last few days, shouldn't be dreaded or denied. It's just a number, one that marks me as someone in the prime of her life. I may have the Gates To Budding Youth closed behind my wheels, but, if I take care of myself and seize every opportunity that comes my way, I should have many more years ahead of me, still in my prime. Thirty is really nothing, only an indication of ripe maturity.

moon phase