� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
�
My latest regret, however, is all too recent and involves Kirk. Even though we were no longer together we still talked some nights until two or three nights ago, when he bluntly suggested I look elsewhere, somewhere closer to me for a guy. Until then I guess we both held out some hope of still meeting face-to-face. I realized then we'd both mucked up a good friendship, and it was best if we both cut our losses and made a clean break. I told him I wouldn't bother him again. He was silent the rest of that night and the next.
He broke the silence last evening to, surprisingly--or maybe not so surprisingly, check up on me, see how I was doing. I guess he thought he'd hurt me yet again. *sigh* In spite of all his faults--impatience being the main hang up--he's a good guy, caring and he'd look out for ya. But I think I was a bit harsh on him last night. My own sister just went through a break up of her own, and basically the relationship is as dead as Kirk's and mine. They still call each other on occasion it looks like, but it's only stomping what lil friendship is left into the ashes of what had once been a high and brightly burning flame. Seeing this was a factor that helped me see Kirk and I needed a clean break. Thus, I was harsh with him, more than I should have been I'm afraid.
"Since you don't want me anymore, and since I'm not worth the wait and you told me to look elsewhere, I will." These were my parting words.
The night he suggested I find someone else I felt no emotion...until later. It was mostly annoyance with an underlying current of hurt. Once again a guy had walked away from me, headed towards another port (another woman who could give him what he wants NOW!!!!). Last night's emotions, of course, were guilt and regret, coming shortly after I'd gone to bed.
The regret isn't only for speaking to him harshly. It encompasses our lost friendship. We were too hasty. I was perusing my book of quotes earlier and came across this one, "True friendship is a plant of slow growth." That's where we went wrong. I let him carry us both away after my flirty comeback that one night. We had been talking just about every night, about everything and anything under the sun getting to know one another. The end of the evening always came too quickly, and I was on tenterhooks till I could talk with him again. It was exhilerating to be with him, to talk to him again. And it was like, What will we talk about tonight? I wonder.
If only I'd made him keep it at that stage a lil longer, maybe our friendship would have had a firmer base. Perhaps our bond would have had a chance to grow stronger so that distance would not have bothered him something fierce and we would be friends still today. Kirk was the first guy, the only guy, I've ever seen some sort of future with. He's not my soulmate, but I know I could have had some sort of future with him. But now I'll never know what that future might have been. *sad smile* That is my regret.
Learn, I pray you, from our mistakes. His was impatience, always wanting now and his libido. It rules his thinking and desires even now. Mine was in letting him set the fast pace we followed--and my libido. I wanted a man to desire me, want me, love me. I let his talk influence me. We went too fast and lost a good friendship.
Moral of this sad tale? Go slow and a treasured friendship you will always have.
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moon phase |
