� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
�
An idea suddenly occurred to me late last night as I waited for Harry (Jon) to come home. Since bgcntryboy had an MSN account, surely he had MSN Messenger. With a healthy amount of curiosity outweighing the trepidation, I typed in his address and, sure enough, he had it. I sat there debating with myself about whether or not I should add him to my list.
Go ahead and add him, the imp in me urged. No, it's too fast, the sane part said. It'll speed things up. Just stick to the emailing. You've satisfied yourself with knowing you got his email right after all.
Impulsive me, I followed the imp's road. I added him and not more than a minute late bgcntryboy popped online. I then spent another few agonizing moments debating with myself yet again on whether or not I should say hello. The imp won, again.
Let me say just re-eiterate(sp?) my impression of him. He sounds very nice, yet I'm afraid he's looking for a really active outdoorsy activities partner. He might even be one of those guys hooked on looks, I dunno. And his gauging of time is really fast, as I feared. He's already offered to take me horseback riding--which I can do. It's just...he offered right off the bat after me mentioning I like horses.
He hasn't emailed back yet; he may have considered our convo sufficient response for right now. He did say, "Talk to you soon," so maybe I haven't scared him off yet, though I'm half hoping. I panicked last night when he asked. And I was thinking this had been a bad idea. But if he suggests getting together again right away, I'll tell him the truth, at least about my experiences with guys online, and I think tomorrow when I have more time I'll remove my profile from Emode.com.
Once again I was, I think, on ISU's campus, but instead of being an enrolled student I was looking for a job. The odd part was that I already had an office in one of its buildings. But no job. I was visited by these two thugs (that's the impression I got, but they worked for a professor or staff member in the Business dept.), one had curly brown hair who did most of the talking. I don't why they started talking to me, but we got on the topic of me needing a job and of the lady looking for an assistant. I was in journalism, but there was a need for business writers too. The conversation seemed to last a while even though that was the gist of it, and the curly haired guy seemed to take to me. For, when they left with the promise to talk to the lady about the job, he kissed my cheek. They came back sometime later with the bad news. She couldn't use me; she didn't think I was right for the job. Curly Hair was apologetic and tried to break it gently, but I still cried.
The scene changed and I was back with Sandy, but she was moving on and wasn't staying. She was married and pregnant with another child on her hip. She too apologized for not being there long to help me, but she had her own life now. At this, my heart broke and I cried again.
I know, after typing this, there is some meaning here, but I don't have time to analyze it now.
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Every man dies. Not every man truly lives.
~Braveheart~
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moon phase |
