� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
�
I was going to talk about Dragonfly, you know, the movie with Kevin Costner, but I had another romantic dream about my long, lost friend, Jason--yes, the one who cut off all contact with Kjerstina and me. So my thoughts on that will have to wait. I've got a limited amount of time here and I want to focus on Jason.
I doubt I'll ever see him again; it's obvious he wants no part of us any more and prefers to move on without us in his life. So why then, am I having dreams--romantic ones at that--about him? Sure, when I first met him I thought he was cute, but there was nothing there, especially when I found out he and Kjerstina were an item. And nothing was there that one time after his mission when he came to see me. In fact, he wasn't the same Jason I'd hung out with. True, missions change people, as does two years, but this had nothing to do with his mission. No, it had to do with something personal in his life. What, I dunno.
So why do I dream of him? Last night was the second romantic dream I've had about him. The details have faded with the day and with my concentration on the paper I finished not so long ago. I think I called him up at his home in Pocatello or something. But I know I ran into him at school. I was visiting (I think) one of my old high school English classes as a speaker and he was there in the same capacity as well. I'm guessing here. All I'm sure of are kissing and getting together with him and that we wanted a future.
Perhaps all my mania about weddings has affected my dreams. But the question once again remains why do I dream of him when I know he's out of my life? Why am I still clinging? Perhaps I don't want to give up the idea he's still my friend. Perhaps I don't want to face the knowledge he doesn't want me as a friend anymore. I dunno.
All these perhapses are very well and good in answering my question, but they bring me no closer to the truth. Who knows, perhaps they are all the truth. All I do know is it's painful and I better start letting go and move on myself, for in all likelihood, I'll never see him again. And as Celine Dion sings, "that's the way it is." :'(
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