� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
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Yet, it did. *pondering look and soft smile* Reading through the 858 titles before this I was reminded again and amazed how though things change, they remain the same or return to a semblance of sameness after a time--as in a cycle. I am not the same person I was when I started this journal three years ago. This journal isn't the same either as it was three years ago. Yet, looking back on the whole of it, I am going through--or have just gone through--similar or the same situations as I did this time last year. For example, I felt low, down and out, needing a boost in my social life right around this time. In an entry or three I talked about how stagnant I'd become and what steps I could take to improve my social fun. Now, with things different between Heather and me I've begun thinking differently about my future. Making alternate plans, re-establishing old friendships with friends from ISU and with Lynda. Strengthening new ties with Emma, a friend from Diaryland and with a few others I met by way of MSN in the last couple weeks.
I'm trying to open doors again. Yes, I know they're online and can't be the type who hang out with me whenever, but...they are friends. And they are good people.
So...my search turned up something unexpected. Which means I won't be a repeat, or too much of one as I swear I have talked about my distaste for "Reality Tv" already. Maybe it was at another site?
I really dislike "Reality Tv." I think it's pretentious, all flash and all about getting a season's worth of fame and time in the spotlight. Just so people can say: "I've been on tv!" I get the basic reasoning and purpose for "Reality Tv" and I think it's a good idea or principle. But like Marx's communism "Reality Tv" works well only in theory. Can you possibly tell me it isn't any more fake than some of the fictitious shows airing now? Sure, you could argue it's real because there are no actors playing parts, assigned lines and making a character come to life. In that essence, yes, it's real. But c'mon! Those people know they're on tv and they're milking it for all they're worth. They create their own drama. So, to me "Reality Tv" is a crock.
Albeit a popular crock. When something becomes a popular fad it really catches on like wildfire. Now, they're doing The Real Gilligan's Island. *rolls eyes* A real island. Seven people left on that island to have whatever adventures may come their way. Though, I have to admit to being curious as to how they'll handle it.
And in the last week I had another guy lookin' for a partner to have a long-term affair with. His wife really isn't into making love all that much (like you wanted to know this, huh?), so he's looking elsewhere for satisfaction. I knew one look at that pic I've just shared would send him packin'. And it did. Haven't heard from him since the night before I sent him the emailed pic. *sigh* Almost every guy I've shown a pic of myself to has disappeared and quit talking to me. I know I'm not beautiful, but heck, I'm not Medusa either. =0{ It's sad when once upon time, not so long ago, the words virgin and wheelchair would have made a man turn tail and run. But now they are like catnip is to a cat, a turn on. At least, to men who are only looking for sexual pleasure. Heck yeah, let's deflower a virgin, induct her into the pleasures of sex!
*winces* Sorry. I got carried away with that up there. I guess I'm more jaded or bitter than I thought. But it's true. It's sad those words are now a turn on, when once they were things feared. A man looking for casual sex didn't want the responsibility or distinction of being a girl's first once upon a time. A wheelchair is still a bit of a turn off, but hey, as long as zee girl can still do it, why should it matter? But most of all it's sad that my pic leaves most men running in the opposite direction.
As I told Heather, I don't think it's meant to be that I find a guy friend online. =0{ Even if it's just as a buddy in a platonic relationship.
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