� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
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Andrea is moving back to Utah Saturday. She will be teaching Seminary in American Fork. Today was our last hurrah before she moves. We went to Gringos Mexican Restaurant. I mentioned how I wanted to move to Utah, but was told "No" by both my mom and the Lord. There was more to my statement, but it's not relevant here. She asked me about remaining here, and I surprised myself when I answered, "I feel like I'm supposed to be here. I don't know why or for how long, but I feel I'm meant to stay. Maybe it's for me or for someone else; I don't know."
And, it's true. I feel like I may finally be in the right place. Which is interesting. Because when I first moved back from Poky, I wasn't sure I'd made the right decision. All I knew back then was I needed a change. I needed some place safe to heal spiritually and emotionally. I even cried when I first came home because I wasn't sure it was the right thing, but it was too late to change my mind now. The deed was done.
For a long time I haven't been sure of any decision like this. I have just existed and moved from day to day. I've often wondered if I was on the right path or if I was just on a side trail. I also wondered if this was where I should be at this time--that is, if I was following Heavenly Father's plan. Then I had a feeling of deja vu a month or so ago. Someone I knew once said deja vu could be a way of telling you you're on the right path. I once explained my view on this in an entry that I can't seem to find right now (gggrrr) so I really don't want to repeat myself. Wait. Just found it! Yay! And just when I had decided to give up the search too. Go me. (It'll help you understand the next part.)
Anyways, so that brief deja vu sensation gave me some hope that I might be following the Plan for me. And today, for the first time, I felt I may just actually be in the right place and on the right path at this point in my life. You don't know how peaceful and what a relief it is to know this. Or to feel this.
Then when I got back from hanging out with Andrea, I got online again and was immediately contacted by Heather. We had an odd conversation. I dunno what brought it on, but she remarked on the differences in our graduations. Hers has been blown up and been made a big deal. Mine, on the contrary, has passed by quietly with a minimum of recognition. I've bought myself a gift, Nan has given me a $100 and Heather gave me my own miniature Boyds bear--I just love Boyds bears. Mom took me and Dad to Papa Kelsey's and that's it. Heather has gotten gifts and been thrown a party by her co-workers.
Before people get on me about comparing, let me remind you it was Heather who chose the topic, and I'm just merely repeating the noticed differences. There is no jealousy or whining here. So, do not take it out of context.
She then asked me if my parents bought me anything "just because" or was it strictly kept to birthdays and certain holidays? She asked this 'cause she knows Mom has a habit of buying things for Kami whenever. My response was, sometimes, but not often.
I don't know where this comparison of our lives came from, but I was taken aback by the bent of the conversation. It was so out of the blue.
Then she asked, "Should I rail against your parents or rethink and be grateful my parents aren't as bad as I thought?"
To which I had no immediate response. I had no idea how to answer that, then I thought Our parents aren't bad, they're fair.
I was going to say so when Heather continued: "How can we really judge when to us "reality" is what our own worlds consist of? So I don't think we really can be fair."
I answered with, "In my opinion, reality is relative." Everyone's perception is different, therefore, who can say what really is reality? Sure, there are situations or rules that apply to most things that we can say are the "norm" and therefore view as reality. However, the "norm" for everyone is slightly different because of different experiences and different environments. Thus, we established, out of the blue, life is relative.
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moon phase |
