Writings and Layout
� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
times since Oct. 22, 2001
Some Things You Would Like to Say In the Office But Don't
10-16-2002 E 5:35 p.m.
* Dedicated to the office drones and bosses whose secret fantasies are to say some of these things to get them through hard days.

1) I can see your point, but I still think you're full of @#$!*.

2) I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3) How about never? Is never good for you?

4) I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. This is good.

5) I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

6) I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter.

7) I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8) I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9) It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10) Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...

11) I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

12) You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13) I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a @#$*.

14) I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15) I will always cherish the intial misconceptions I had about you.

16) Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17) The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18) Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19) What am I? Fly paper for freaks!?

20) I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21) It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22) Yes I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23) And your crybaby, whiny-butt opinion would be...? BINGO!

24) Do I look like a people person?

25) This isn't an office. It's Hell with flourescent lighting.

26) I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.

27) Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28) If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29) Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30) Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

31) I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

32) A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

33) Can I trade this job for what's behind Door #1?

34) Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35) Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

36) Chaos, panic and disorder--my work here is done.

37) How do I set a laser printer to stun?


..:: Remembered�����E�����Occuring ::..

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