� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
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But you will hold a distinction none other has had. For the first time since 1997 or even 1996, on the whole I can say, "I've had a good year." I may be guyless once again with no prospects in sight, but that's ok. I've learned the wrong guy can be trouble, and there are worse things than being single. If I'm not totally happy with my single status, at least I'm ok with it and I'm willing to "wait for him whom I know is to be mine." (from my poem My Stripling Warrior)
But I digress. You, who once was an unknown, have revealed more happiness it seems than I remember having since my graduation from Ricks, or even receiving my patriarchal blessing. Yes, there were good times in the intervening years, but it seems disappointment and unhappiness reigned supreme there for a while. I can only hope this relative good streak can last for a while longer through your younger brother's reign.
You have gone by so fast, I can hardly believe 2004 is knocking on our door, or will be in a few days. It doesn't seem possible that you are ending. But you are; you are fading as fast as your older sister. I will miss you. You have seen me graduate--FINALLY--and you have seen me become an aunt. My growth during your time doesn't feel like much, but having had a few days to reflect upon it I realize it's been gradual over a period of time rather than suddenly in a great quanity. I have good friends, if only a few, but they're the kind that time and distance can't drift away from me. And really, that's all you need. A few friends who will always remain your friend, no matter how many years or miles may separate you two.
I realized I'd like a man, but don't necessarily need him to be happy or be content with my lot. I realized I have started back on the spiritual path we all need to take if we are to be with Him again, a goal that was my intention to achieve when I first moved back home three years ago. (It was, of course, my main motivation for moving back home when I was so burned-out.) And I guess this is a second accomplishment that you have seen, 2003. For with setting my foot (or my wheels, as the case is in my situation) back on the right path, I have noticed a marked lessening in the horrid habit of swearing that I picked up at ISU. It's almost nonexistent now, but the common words "sh*t" and "dam*" still slip past my lips subconsciously whenever I've royally screwed up or am livid.
I am wiser if still a bit naive. I am bolder. I am ready to realize a few dreams that have been stored away until they could possibly be realized. You won't see that, 2003, and maybe neither will your younger brother. But someday, somewhere and sometime, they will see fruit, or a variation of them will. Please, Father, let this be so.
I've made mistakes and wish I had the power to go back and undo them. And there have been times (a lot of times) when I have wished for other circumstances, another life, but right now, this moment, I wouldn't be any other person than who I am. Thank you 2003, for bringing me wisdom, joy, aunthood and hindsight. You have been a good year. Go in peace.
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