� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
�
In the morning I'll start on Multiculturalism then the paper. Ay yai yai carumba. I'm bored with it already and it has yet to begin. The only passionate part, I believe, will be the section of my opinion. And that's where a 1/3 of my research is concentrated. I'll be glad to have it over.
Ay yai yai. If this summer is going to be like today, I want to be gone a lot. Now that Kami's 18, she is pushing the house rules. Well, we older kids are all pushing the bedtime curfew, to be totally honest. But lately it seems like Mom is water and Kami is oil. They don't mix. Kami has begun to internalize a lot more and considers her stuff (and anybody else's) hers. If anybody shows an overt interest as Mom did today about Kami's schedule for b-ball at CEU, Kami gets all touchy. All Mom did was come and sit by her after Kami answered Mom's question about the paper. Kami looked at her.
"Geez, Mom. I'm looking at it right now. I'll give it to you after I'm done."
Mom got up and went about doing something else. "Oh c'mon now, Mom!" Kami said. "Don't get all crusty." Crusty is Kami's word for contrary.
Off and on it's been like that all week. And then when I get all silent and cross from hearing it all afternoon, they wonder what's wrong. I'm not stupid. I'm not about to tell them the source of my mood. If I did, they'd turn the tables on me and bring up a few of my less than stellar moments. But I do wish I had a tape recorder so that I could record what they sound like and replay it for them to show what I mean if I ever did tell them.
Their first guess for my silent mood, is of course, the Internet. They (Mom and Kami) figure somebody I chat with has upset me. Course, even though I tell them otherwise, they don't believe me. *shrugs* Nowadays though I don't talk to anybody whom I can't reasonably get along with. The Brit, John and Musheer, a guy from India wearied me with a need to debate and their macho attitudes. I am content with my few friends here in D-land and outside it. We joke around, sympathize and in the case of Milo, flirt a lil. It's very pleasant. Thus I haven't had cause to be upset by an online connection.
I've another beef with Kamelia. And I'm afraid, thanks to the paper stress and being a woman, I let it get to me. Last Sunday Mike and Jen were here till late. When I realized the time I shut down my comp. Kami was here in the next room talking to Jen. I joined them quietly and made a comment that further explained Kami's story.
"Chtt. You know nothing about it, Shi." Kami said dismissively, her arched back and hidden face in a pillow suggested I truly didn't know squat.
Excuse me? She confides in me enough to give me some inkling of what is going on. Yes she keeps me in the dark a lot, but thanks to her, I do have an inkling. And about what she was telling Jen, she told me.
Hurt, I didn't say anything more, but went back in my room. They slowly migrated to the door as Mike was ready to go home. I followed a few minutes later looking for Harry to put me to bed. I had my presentation the next day. But they were all talking and laughing, Jon, Kami, Mike and Jen. The pain was still coursing through me, and I vowed I wouldn't give in to tiredness and cry. I made it to the doorway leading to the back family room. Tears threatened to break.
Jen musta saw me and followed me. From behind she looped her arms around me neck and asked me if I was all right. That broke through my thin resistance to tears. I started crying. "No," I squeaked.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, trying to lead me to my room.
I love my sister, but I don't think we'll ever be as close as I hoped to be. Kami prefers confiding in friends, and, as I've said, she internalizes. There's a lot she she doesn't tell anyone. Her treatment made me mad, but there's nothing I can do about it. It's the way she is and probably will be.
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Tears and lauughter are the language of the heart.
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