� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
�
My lil stint at being friends with Stephen is over. I can't say it isn't for the best. He's a nice guy, but in the past week I've learned he still has some growing up to do. Heck, I know I do. But I've come to see he still thinks immaturely about certain things. And I was falling back into the old pattern of acting like a mother instead of a friend. I want to be a mother very much, but to my own kids when or if I have any. Not to a 32-year-old man. His behavior quickly reminded me why I never could fully fall in love with him when we had been a couple four years ago. I want a partner who balances my idiosyncrasies and stimulates my mind as well as my body and spirit. Not an overgrown, yet fun loving kid.
And certainly not a conceited one at that! He's been, up until last night, trying to get me to fall for him again. In the meantime he's been dating a girl he met on a blind date. This is one reason I got mad at the other guy who led my friend on. The two situations were alike, except I wasn't totally hooked on Stephen.
He too gave me the spiel: "If you want my love you have to fight for me."
Um excuse me? His so-called interest and effort to woo me was a joke once he met Stephanie. Like I really cared a whole heck of a lot. I cared even less once he told me this bit of news last week. I told him about Milo. And his chauvenistic attitude irked me, so I informed him: "I don't think I want your love to begin with. I don't want a man who won't fight for me or work with me to make our relationship a success!" I hung up on him that night without saying goodbye. I was mad.
Last night he double dated with his brother. That date was the turning point in his feelings for her (Stephanie). Yet after the date he got online and called me "baby". Yuck. I asked if was still an if as to him supposedly wanting a date. He said yes, though the way he was acting told me Stephanie was close to being dubbed girlfriend. Wouldn't that irk you? That you know how a guy feels about another yet he keeps pretending you're in the picture? Sure, you don't care that he likes her more and more, but the fact he hasn't been honest?
He kept pleading with me to change the subject, yet I was relentless. I wanted him to wake up and see how he'd treated me. Other people who know what he's done called him a jerk and agreed he needs to grow up. I wasn't trying to be mean or anything, but I wanted to drive my point home. And it went over well like a hurricane hitting the coast.
"Stephen, if you said that (the woman needing to fight...), people would think you need to grow up."
"Ok."
"Maybe if you grew up then one of your relationships might be a success." The storm which had been brewing had hit. Hurricane Shiloh was wreaking havoc with Stephen's afterglow from his date.
"Thank you for getting my dander up." I almost laughed. Dander? Does anyone still use that commonly? He has never been so mad at me before, not even during four years ago. I finally managed to get a pure, honest emotion from him. Instead of one where he tried to placate me.
He said he had to go and cool down. He'd talk to me later. He still wants to be friends, but I have the feeling it'd be better off if he just left me alone. So I blocked and deleted him. I'm just a lil perturbed at myself for believing we could be friends. But...it's over.
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