� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
�
1) reuse last year's Christmas cards and send them out under your own name. (5 points)
2) steal light bulbs from your neighbor's outdoor display to replenish your own supply. (5 points, 10 if neighbor's whole light sets or lighted Santa goes out)
3) dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper, or reindeer. (10 points for each; if you dressed an endangered species, 5 extra points)
(Does a teddy bear count? No? Hmm, shoot, them I'm still at 0.)
4) put out last year's stale candy canes for children. (1 point for each piece of sticky candy. If you put out a chocolate or marzipan Santa also, add 10 points.)
5) enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target, Wal-Mart, or K-Mart in a Bloomingdale's or other prestigious box to impress your friends. (5 points for each infraction).
6) make collect long distance phone calls to your family on Christmas day. (5 points, 10 if from a cell phone, claiming you are stuck in a phone booth).
7) At the office Christmas party, you horde huge stockpiles of goodies for later consumption at home. (5 points; 15 points if you use this stuff for your own party).
8) steal the wreath from a parked car to use on your own [Southern California only, others ignore]. (5 points--nobody).
9) After an invitation to a friend's house, you bring a commercially produced fruitcake and try to pass it off as homemade. (5 points; 15 points if the fruitcake is from last year).
(Ew, yuck!)
10) Any stealing from the Toys-for-Tots collection bins is a definite no-no. (20 points)
Evaluate your score on the "Grinch Scale" from 20 to 100.
20-30: You are just a cheeseball.
30-50: You are an apprentice in Yuletide larceny and are probably wanted by the police for overdue parking tickets.
50-100: Grinch, move over. The Sopranos of Christmas crime has arrived.
Hmmm, they don't give a 0. Guess, I'm not even a cheeseball. *grins* Must be lil Cindy Lou Who of the story--or movie.
The Grinch Song
You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.
You really are a heel.
You're as cuddly as a cactus,
You're as charming as an eel.
Mr. Grinch.You're a bad banana
With a greasy black peel.You're a monster, Mr. Grinch.
Your heart's an empty hole.
Your brain is full of spiders,
You've got garlic in your soul.
Mr. Grinch.I wouldn't touch you, with a
Thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole.You're a vile one, Mr. Grinch.
You have termites in your smile.
You have all the tender sweetness
Of a seasick crocodile.
Mr. Grinch.Given the choice between the two of you
I'd take the seasick crocodile.You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch.
You're a nasty, wasty skunk.
Your heart is full of unwashed socks
Your soul is full of gunk.
Mr. Grinch.The three words that best describe you, are as follows, and I quote:
Stink! Stank! Stunk!You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch.
You're the king of sinful sots.
Your heart's a dead tomato splotched
With moldy purple spots,
Mr. Grinch.Your soul is an apalling dump heap overflowing
With the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable
Rubbish imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots.You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch.
With a nauseaus super-naus.
You're a crooked jerky jockey
And you drive a crooked hoss.
Mr. Grinch.You're a three decker saurkraut and
Toadstool sandwich
With arsenic sauce!Dr. Seuss
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