"Yeah, it is an interesting topic," she agreed when she went and looked.

"People have this idea that what they do changes who they are. A married man has an affair and thinks, Now I've become a bad person, as if something has changed... You do what you do. Not without consequences for other people, of course, sometimes very grave ones."

~ Quoted in the book, The Dive From Clausen's Pier by Ann Packer

Is it helpful to regard your choices as right or wrong ones? Or do YOU define them more than THEY define you?

Choice and consequence. Two separate things, but inseparable. One follows the other in expanding ripples of effect, sometimes smoothing out after the fourth or fifth ripple. Other times, if the decision splash is bigger, the ripples of consequence will last a lot longer and reach a lot farther.

The choice: To get drunk and get high on drugs with friends.

The consequences: Driving under the influence of alcohol and drugs, hitting another car head on and killing at least one person in the other car and injuring another. Being arrested by the state trooper and being convicted of involuntary manslaughter while under the influence of alcohol and illegal substances. A family and friends are now left to grieve for a young teenager they'll never laugh or talk with, hug, be with or see again in this life. Hurting, disappointing and causing your own family grief because you have forever changed the lives of many and done irreparable harm.

Does this make you a bad person? Not necessarily, no. But it does show you made a poor choice and used bad judgment. Was there a better choice? Heck, yes! To abstain and remain sober.

Choices are all around us, coming at us from every direction, every day. In fact, that is why we are here: we have the free agency to choose for ourselves the path we will follow. *stops herself right there from following that tangent* Some choices are definitely good, some are definitely bad, and yet still there are others where there is no definite good or bad. You just have to go with your instinct on those.

I think choices do define you. They reflect your strength of character and your weaknesses alike. Using the example from the book's exerpt above, the man isn't necessarily a bad person just because he cheated on his wife; he could be someone with a heart of gold who would go to bat for any of his friends and family. He just made a wrong decision or choice to act upon the affair in moments of selfish desire. And now he'll have to live with the consequences of his wife possibly wanting a divorce or a separation, making him move out in the interim, and the hurt his choice has caused her and any kids they may have together. And now a choice lies before her, the wife. Does she take him back and forgive him? Or does she say, "I'm sorry, but I don't want you back," and file for the divorce?

None of us are perfect. We all have our own strengths and weaknesses. And each choice reflects either strength or weakness. Abstaining from booze and drugs shows how smart we are and the integrity we have in not giving in to peer pressure. Having an affair on the other hand, reveals a needy insecurity and selfishness, a childish need to find excitement and allure anywhere we can with someone other than our spouses. Whether the decision splashes are big or small, the ripples of effect far reaching or minimal, our choices reflect our character and others will judge us by our actions. Thus, our choices do define who we are.

P.S. I wrote most of this late last night, so forgive me the rambling and babbling and the general lack of clarity in this entry.

moon phase