� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
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Oh! *sends a search party for her friend, the bodacious Chubbygirl--and a First-Aid kit*
As I was watching I had to laugh, not only at the humor, but at the parallel between the Nanny and myself. Mom has told me time and time again that I get too involved in my friends' lives, that I sometimes take things too seriously and need to butt out when it's none of my business.
It's true this is one of my many flaws, and while it's a bad habit, I don't think it's as bad as she's made it out to be. But then I haven't given her any other reasons, beyond those superficial ones involving friends, that would help her see what really concerns me when I'm "too involved" in my friends' lives.
She really is a wonderful, awesome person, but she doesn't seem to have the listening skills that make some people the ideal confidante. (Which is why I go to Nan, but that's beside the point.) She's very opinionated--I take after her on that--judgmental in some cases and is easily distracted. She'll be listening and you'll be talking when all the sudden she walks away, saying she just remembered something. You either have to follow her through the house to finish the convo or just accept it's over the minute she walked away. It's aggravating and not very conducive to further sharing or soul baring. So, most of the time I've used the first plausible excuse that's been at hand when I've been upset. It seemed easier at the time, than to subject myself to pointed questions or a lecture about this or that. Sometimes, I admit, the lectures were warranted, other times, not.
For example, during my last year at ISU in Poky, a big misunderstanding ended a brief friendship with a girl from my ward. At the time she was engaged to her present husband. She came to my apartment one day, upset and crying because she and Ryan had been arguing lately and she didn't know if he was "the right one" anymore. Two nights later another friend saw a girl matching Keri's description at an Institute dance, dancing quite close with some guys and wearing no diamond ring. She assumed it was Keri, but I wasn't quite sure.
That was on a Friday. That Saturday I called Keri to see how her weekend went. Of course, I was secretly finding out if it was her at the dance to stop Dana's speculation.
"Oh, I went with Ryan's ward up to Scout Mountain," she replied. "We had a ward social there."
She was still engaged. It was Jamie, another girl from our ward who happened to be at the dance. Nothing wrong in what I did there. My mistake was in telling my care provider/friend Sandy about all this. And her mistake was in asking Ryan's former boss at Zales if everything was ok with Ryan and Keri. She spilled everything about that weekend.
*sighs* So, what happened next? A few nights after Sandy's visit to the mall (without me) Keri called me up and in a deadly quiet voice, asked me if I'd been to the mall recently and if I had, did I say something about her and Ryan? Well I had been out there with Sandy other than the time she'd been at Zales. Anyways, I started answering we'd been out there, yes, but... And she went off on something I couldn't understand then simply, hung up on me. I tried calling back and when Sam realized what she'd inadvertently done she took the phone and tried making amends. But Keri wasn't having any of it or accepting any apologies.
I never got an invitation to the wedding (I was to be a bridesmaid) and she never talked to me after that. When talking to Mom the next day, she told me I probably deserved it and called me a "nosy bitty."
Thus, the excuses I gave to avoid the hurtful comments or lectures. Nevertheless those excuses have given Mom the impression I'm quite the busybody when in actuality I'm concerned or upset about something else. I guess I deserve this impression from her because I kept my counsel about certain things when she was curious. But like I said, it's hard talking to her in a t�te a t�te because she just...can't...not judge or share her opinion and just listen. I don't know why that is so hard for her.
Realizing once I moved back home from living on ISU's Poky campus that it would be better if I just keep my counsel to myself until I could vent it in a journal or to a better confidante, I quit tossing out the first plausible excuse or reason. She notices a difference, thinking I'm not as involved as before, but really, I am involved. It's just my circle of friends is just tighter and I'm choosier about them.
I laughed at The Nanny because right now a friend of mine is feeling as if another friend is slipping away. This friend since coming home from her mission has submerged herself in her own lil world. She is failing to recognize she hasn't once shown interest or has asked what's been going on in my friend's life. True, it's been only two months since she came home and she may need more time to balance out her life, but still... A good friend would make time if it is in their power to do so for another friend, and they would be honestly interested in what is going on in that particular friend's life.
I sssoo wanted to tell *J* the other night how my friend is feeling and figuratively wop her up the side of her head to jar her out of the all-inclusive coccoon she's spun around herself. But...I refrained. I did try to hint that if she came home from school my friend would be excited to see her. I got nnnoo response to that whatsoever. Though there is nothing I would dearly love more than bringing *J* to a realization of what she's doing to my friend, I'm leaving it up to my pal. 1) You're right, it isn't my place. 2) I don't know *J* very well, so it should definitely not come from me. 3) I don't wanna louse up two friendships. So I'm keeping my peace.
* I used the girl's initial for peace and anonymity's sake.
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Every man is like the company he is wont to keep.
~Euripides~
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moon phase |
