� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
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I'm stagnant and too entrenched in my comfort zone, and the Lord knows it. It's high time I get on with my life and fill it with purpose. At the same time I'm taking action this move is making me think even more. It's taking me down Memory Lane.
Like Heather I stayed at home through getting my Associates. But then I graduated and transferred to ISU. Which, of course, meant moving to Poky. And of course, that meant finding a place. That place turned out to be an apartment complex, owned by University Housing. That apartment was Heaven compared to the dinky lil dorms the lady tried showing Mom and me.
Lloyd came by with some info on an apartment in Rigby (which is where we want to be preferably), and if we can connect with the lady and if she can convince another new tennant to move upstairs, then Heather can move sooner than we hoped or thought. I passed the pertinent info onto Heather, and she in turn asked me questions I thought she needed to ask the lady. *soft smile* She's counting on me to know what to do, to be the voice of experience. It just brings back so many memories...and feelings.
I remember sitting here in my room at my old desk--now gone--writing in my white hardback journal of my impending move to Poky and how that prospect made me feel. I wanted to be on my own; I wanted to explore what some of my fellow students had been doing while I was living at home. But at the same time I was scared. I was filled with trepidation and that feeling grew as the weeks passed and my moving day loomed nearer. I was grateful Mom stayed a few days to a week with me, and then Sandy, my care provider, stayed another couple weeks with me while I adjusted to the move.
My convo with Heather also brought to the fore the memory of when that apartment first started to feel like home. My home. It was a month or more before I felt like I wasn't just occupying a stranger's place. Until then I felt as if I were in limbo. Home wasn't home anymore, yet this place wasn't either. Until one day...I wheeled home, drained mentally from a long class and note taking session. I wearily inserted my key into its lock, pushed and twisted the handle and swung the door open. I wheeled over the threshold and closed the door. And I just sat there a minute, looking around at the living room/kitchenette before dumping my books in a convenient spot.
Then the feeling hit me like the sun coming out from behind a gauzy cloud. This place was my home. It was my sanctuary. My place. I was mistress here. And believe me, it was one of the most relieving things to know. It is so awful to have no place of your own to call home. The bad thing about it was now I was treated as a visitor when I went home home.
Now, I have those feelings again. I'm excited, yet filled with trepidation. But it'll be easier this time around because I've done it before and am ready. I also have Heather. My trusty, excited, newbie roommate of a soul sister.
I'll have to talk about thoughts on Kirk at a later date. For now, I have to go. TTFN.
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moon phase |
