It's that time of week again! Let's see if I can do this...

Thirteen Positive Changes In Me 1) I'm bolder and more sure of myself. Today I'm trying to set up the things necessary for my team's first presentation for Determined To Vote: the time, the place, a sign language interpreter and letting the County Clerk know and asking her if we could borrow the Ballot Marking Device (BDM). Before, three to four years ago, I don't think I would have had the courage to call strangers and do something like this. 2) I'm stronger and more resillient. I'd known I was strong, because when you have a moderate-to-severe disability like I do, you need to be strong in a sense to survive the challenges. But until Evan dissed me numerous times I didn't realize just how strong and resilient I am. His continuous rejection of me hurt, but it wasn't something I couldn't recover from. 3) Evan taught me one more thing: I have my own inner sunshine, or optimism, if you will. I may get down, but I can't stay down for too long; I always seem to pull out of the doldrums before too long, and it feels, really, figuratively like the sun coming out from behind a thick covering of clouds. 4) I'm not trying to brag here when I say that my physical disability (or probably more appropriately, the Lord) has made me ingenious. Because I do have C.P. and am in a wheelchair, I've had to find other ways of doing some things than people who can walk. (For instance, if a I drop something on the floor, I've used spaghetti tongs as a "grabber" to pick the item up after I've leaned over as far as I can over my armrest.) 5) I've a better control on my temper--specifically where Aubree is concerned. I used to get into such fights with her because of her superior attitude and lack of polite respect for her "elders." (I'm her oldest sister.) Now, I leave her alone and avoid confrontations with her if I can. I hated the evil, dark, juvenile feeling I got whenever I fought with her. I decided since I wasn't going to feel that way again because of her, and I haven't. 6) I have proved I am not a snob. My grandmother, Nan, used to think I was, and would tell me I was, a [disability] snob. The basis for her opinion on this was that in school--mostly at college though--I never joined the disabled groups that were the equivalent of other clubs, such as the French Club, the Computer Club or the Chess Club. (The clubs at the two universities I attended were focused more towards the outdoors and the various activities associated with outside. I'm more of a homebody and an indoor person, so the groups' focus or purpose never appealed to me.) Therefore, Nan saw this as me avoiding being with other disabled people. But, happily, now that I have a job through the Council On Developmental Disabilities with the project, Determined To Vote, Nan couldn't be more prouder of me and is bursting to tell anyone who will listen with some interest. This may sound petty of me, but I feel vindicated. Her past words caused a lot of hurt and anger, until I got to the point it had to be enough for me to know I wasn't a snob. 7) I've matured, realizing useless fretting doesn't--solve--anything. It doesn't! Especially when it's your friends' problems or someone else's. You can sympathize or empathize with them. But in some cases, there's nothing you can do. Making them your problems won't solve them for those who do have them. As I learned...the hard way...you'll only ruin your health and cause yourself unnecessary, unneeded and unwanted stress! Trust me on this, you don't want to borrow problems and other people's stress, no sirree. 8) Emma has spoken. She says I have become more aware. More aware of people in general and of those with disabilities. And, looking back over the last year, I can see how it's become true. But it's been with her influence and help. Emma's own attitude towards her disability and towards disabilities in general has heightened my awareness, and she has helped me see my own circumstance in a new, more active light. Getting the job with Determined To Vote is a serendipitious effect of this new awareness. 9) I'm more adventurous. I try new foods almost every time I go to a favorite restaurant, and I find I'm not as opposed to trying something new as I once was. Until my college years, I was very shy and introverted, and I would have done almost anything to avoid or get out of something that intimidated or daunted me to the point of real fear. I guess this goes along number 1. 10) I'm happy being single. Shocker of shockers! Not really; at least not anymore. Once upon a time I was really, really boy crazy and lonely. I wanted sssooo much to fall in love and get married to my One and Only by the time I was 30, but-- It hasn't happened, and as I've watched some relationships around me, some good, some not so good, the fervor has died down and I have realized there are worse things in life than being single. 11) I don't let seizures bother me like I used to. I used to cry and be angry afterwards at my inability to exert any control over them. Now they're, however unfortunately, a fact of life. I still ache and feel whipped emotionally after having them, but I am finding I can function almost normally now after a seizure quicker than I could in the past. At least, I'm more cheerful. 12) As Gwen just pointed out I'm more confident in and trusting of my writing skills. When we first met, I would ask her if my writing flowed or if it needed to be fleshed out or if an idea had merit. Now...I just write whatever I'm moved to write and am more content to write for myself, than in worrying about receiving comments or feedback on what I write. (Though feedback is still appreciated!) 13) I've gotten better at watching my money. Before, I had a bad habit of seeing something I liked or really wanted and buying it, either online or in the stores, before checking to see what my balance was. Now, I regularly check my balance before I shop for anything and budget accordingly. Hey, I did it!! It took a long while, but I did it! Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

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