� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
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Why do I feel secondary? Well, everyone here but me has a social life. Mom returned from Utah Thursday night after being with Kami for almost a week. Before that she and I went to the new Italian restaurnt here, and it was supposed to be just us. She'd taken Aubey Daubs (Aubree) to the mall in I.F. the week before by herself and then the next day shuttled Aubree and five friends back to the mall for her birthday party. Naturally, I figured the restaurant would be our thang, Mom's and mine.
I was wrong. When Aubree found out where we were going, she begged to come. "I can be ready in 10 minutes!" she cajoled.
I just wanted it to be my time with Mom and that was it. Both Mom and I initially said no. We left. Aubree pouted. But as we waited for our food to be served Mom weakened with second thoughts. "Aubree really wanted to come. We should've brought her with us," she said. "In fact, she could've shared my meal."
She looked at me and picked up the cell phone. "She can be here in five minutes if she walks. You don't mind if I tell her to come, do you?"
I looked at her helplessly and said nothing. Of course I minded! But how could I have said otherwise without looking childish, selfish and petty? I couldn't, and I didn't want Mom's disapproval or displeasure falling onto my shoulders. I'm nearly 28 for crying out loud, and I should be able to act like a mature adult, not some petty teenybopper. *sigh* I let Aubree come.
Yesterday Mom and Dad went out twice together for a "short time together." Today they've gone to the matinee at Edwards Theater. Last night Kami called, she talked with Mom, Dad and...Aubree. Probably because she missed Aubs' birthday. And whenever she's home, Kami buddies up to Jon, because out of all of us he's the one she's closest to. *sigh*
I need out. I need away, but because of my dang seizures and my disability my parents feel the need to remind me depressingly of how limited my options are. I feel like if I just let go, have an all out, real good, old-fashioned tantrum I'd feel better...much better. But then I'd feel silly. Unless no one was witness to my tantrum...
I also feel like I have to ask to do this or that with someone (i.e. asking the person if they'd like to do this or that). No, Heather, this does not include you. I just feel very...secondary right now.
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To feel valued, to know, even if only once in a while, that you can do a job well is an absolutely marvelous feeling.
~Barbara Walters~
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moon phase |
