� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
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My friend Emma had a thoughtful conversation with another friend of hers on disabilities recently. It got her thinking about how others with disabilities or long-term or even terminal illnesses deal with whatever is their lot in life. In pondering this she came up with several good questions that, as I told her on Yahoo!, deserve to be answered and shared with others who are disabled or ill. And so, I will treat this like a prompt, because it is one of sorts, and answer her questions.
1) If you have or have had a disability or serious or long term health problem such as C.P., C.F., M.D., M.S., Cancer, Depression, etc. how do/did you deal with it?
I don't say it often here, but I do have Cerebral Palsy (C.P.). I hint at it or to the fact that I have a disability and am in an electric wheelchair sometimes, but that's as far I go in talking about it.
How do I deal with it? It's all I know, I've never known life any other way, like someone would who's been injured in an accident and has to live life in a wheelchair from now on. So, to me this is how life is. I can't wail and bemoan an existence now lost to me because I never had it. It's probably easier this way, not knowing firsthand what's it like to be able to take care of yourself, be independent. But at the same time I look at my family and friends and other people around me that walk and are able-bodied, and yes, I do get jealous. I'm overwhelmed sometimes, so much so I get down and out. It isn't easy, not being able to do whatever I want or need to do. I can't ccook at the stove, I need help in and out of bed and on and off the toilet. But I deal. I may have a short pity party and perhaps a good, cleansing cry, but then I get on with life. I raise my chin and remind myself I am blessed; life could be so much worse. I can either be happy and try to use my smarts and the willingness of others to help to improve my life or I can be sour and miserable, cursing my fate. It's as they say, "You attract more flies with honey than vinegar."
2) Do you use humour, or put yourself down, or ignore it? Do you hate mentioning it to people or are you very upfront about it?
Sometimes I try (and the operative word is try here) to use humor, because if people see I'm ok with my situation and can make light of it then perhaps they can relax and get past the facade and see the real person inside. Perhaps then they won't pity me. Perhaps then new friendships and new worlds will be born.
I think sometimes everybody puts themselves down. I know I have, but not from my disability I don't think. From stupid mistakes, yes, and wrong decisions made--but not from my disability. Do I ignore it? How can you ignore something like this, being reliant on others for your care eight or more hours a day? You can't. Am I upfront about it? This, I'm assuming, is in reference to the net and chatting with anonymous people. My buddy list on Yahoo! I've whittled down to the people I count as friends or who do talk to me once in awhile. On MSN I should do the same as I only talk with seven or eight of them from time to time, but only one (Heather) regularly. And they all know I have C.P. But at the same time I don't advertize it in first time conversations with guys. From past bitter experience I have learned not many guys are willing to look beyond outter appearances to the great person beneath. It just doesn't pay to tell them and then watch them walk away from you when they find out you aren't "perfect." Perfect, as in a "walker." 'Course, if they do that anyway they aren't worth keeping or having around. But something in me keeps holding out hope that if they get to know me first then are told the truth about my disability they'll think, Ok, so she kept this part back from me, but she explained how she was afraid I'd walk away. Understandable. But she should've been upfront anyway. Giving me the benefit of the doubt. She's cool, though, I like her. And then they'll stay. But my luck hasn't been like that. Only one man or two have stayed after being told. The rest head for the hills, seeking better, sexier partners. It's a win-lose situation for me. I win by seeing the backs of the shallow men as they disappear. I lose beccause it was another opportunity for a possible friend that turned tail and walked away without looking back.
3) Have you been able to accept it? How did you do it?
Yes, I've accepted it. And I'll go briefly back to my answer of no. one. I've accepted it because it's all I know. I don't know how life would have been like if I could walk. I can imagine it, but I can't really begin to know. And why pity yourself over something that cannot be changed in this lifetime and that you've never known?
4) Do you view it as a good thing?
Well, it's not bad. It's just the way life is for me. *pauses* I've said this before--and this'll lead into the next couple questions--but I think I chose this lot in the Pre-Existence. I think I thought or knew in Heaven that if I came to Earth with this disability it'd help keep me close to the church and Heavenly Father. I think I would have been wild a bit rebellious had I been able to walk. So, in that light, it's probably a good thang.
5) If you were offered the chance to wave a magic wand, as it is, and make it so you had never had it, would you take it?
*tilts head to the side* I don't know anymore. Once upon a time I would have said "YES!" with alacrity. Now...I'm not so sure. I mean sure, it would make my whole life easier in the independence sector, but if you think about it, a whole new set of problems would take this particular trial's place. This life isn't forever, and we'll be perfect in body in the next, so why not have the patience and fortitude now and wait? With adversity comes great strength and character. If this is what I need to have to gain exaltation, then so be it.
6) What about if your condition was incurable, but a genie out of a bottle offered to make it so you had had it but that you didn't anymore?
I can't deny it wouldn't be tempting to have him/her make it so, but as I said above, I think I chose this for a reason. And I must stick with it. Who knows if I'd be making the right decision?
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