� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
�
Psychologists, or whoever, say we have different faces and play different roles. We have a public face, a private face, a *casual face (among friends) and a *family face. There are probably more, but these will suffice to make my point about the conversation I had.
Shari, I've noticed lately since talking with her more on the computer, has the slightly annoying habit of telling me I'm silly two or three times in almost every convo we have. 'Course, she says she loves it, but...there's more to me and I'm not always silly. And then it hit me.
I do tend to act silly when I'm with certain friends. I do it on purpose too. I sat here for a couple minutes, digesting this revelation, analyzing why I did so. Two or three answers came to me:
1) I like cheering up people and making them laugh -- that's why I'm always sayin' "SWAB THE DECK, YE MATEYS!" to Heather. It's a private joke between us that never fails to cheer either one of us up or make us laugh.
2) I do it so people will like me.
3) I act silly sometimes because I don't want to be labeled a downer who has no sense of humor.
I shared these thoughts with her, and she went on to say that I am well-liked, etc., etc. That may very well be, but she went back to me being silly. My patience with that thread was rapidly slipping--I was tired too--and, not wanting to hurt her feelings I switched gears. The lighter side left and soberly I stated, "I have a serious, private side."
She didn't believe me--at first. "I have a public face and a private one. It's [the private face] serious, it's vulnerable and dreamy, it's jaded and naive..." I went on.
"I've known you for years," Shari said. "You're funny and silly."
As I read her response I could almost not believe her refusal to see more than one side of me. But I remembered then that the only times she'd been around me were at school and sometimes at church when we were in the same ward and once at my house. These were all public places, I reminded, except for my home. "You've never really seen my private face."
She finally admitted this was true. The conversation went on to other thangs, but I came away with this small insight into my private face. Basically, it served as a reminder of my inner self and a quick, mini evaluation.
*My terms.
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Service is the rent we pay for being. It is the very purpose of life, and not something you do in your spare time.
~Marion Wright Edelman~
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