� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
�
And Aubey is one who tries anyone's patience. Anyone who knows her would agree in an instant. And ever since she got home with Mom from Utah about a week ago she's down-right been a pill and trying mine. She loves control, especially if she has it. Jon and I ate lunch around three and Mom wanted to have dinner at five-thirty. So, naturally when she served it at that time we weren't too hungry. Well...I have a small-medium appetite to begin with, and Jon's usually big appetite was nil because of his blasted flu. Aubree took it upon herself to take me to task for not finishing my bowl of turkey soup, like I was a finicky child who was told to finish her brussel sprouts. And she wouldn't leave it and other lil things alone. She just had to harp on me about this or that. I said something--it escapes me now--in retaliation and as I was lifting my glass of cranberry-grape juice (which stains, of course) she knocked into me as she went past to get ready for mutual or Young Women's. If the glass had been any higher off the towel it'd been resting on, purple juice would've splashed over Mom's Thanksgiving arrangement.
"You did that on purpose," I accused quietly.
"Shiloh!" Mom rounded on me from her game at Dad's computer. "Sometimes just let things slide. You really have no tolerance for her at all."
I felt the blood rushing into my cheeks as I probably glared fiercely st her. "I've let many things slide!" I whispered fiercely at her, thinking of a particularly rude and uncalled for comment Aubree made in the car this past weekend. I also did not mention to Mom that I'd bitten off a vicious and hurtful comment (in retaliation to Aubree's weekend comment) as well. For what sprang to my mind and the tip of my tongue was, Jon is the most mellow out of us, and they say your youngest is almost always your mellowest. Mom shoulda stopped with him. This would have been the most unpardonable, vicious and hurtful thing I could have said. And to a sensitive 13-year-old who is just trying to find a place to belong--even if she has to force her way into that place.
This may be more an example of keeping a strained control on my temper, for Aubey's comment was just as harsh and vicious as mine would have been, but at the time my patience was at an end. I had no more to spare on her. And Mom, I knew, wouldn't give me the opportunity to vent and to make her understand. When it comes to arguments or contention between us kids she turns a deaf ear and blind eye after the initial refereeing and remonstrating. And Aubree is almost always the one who is heard out. Not anyone else's. She's enough to try the patience of a saint.
But I want to master this virtue. I pray to Heavenly Father for it and for more tolerance. I want to be a better person. For that is just one step in finding peace and happiness in myself. To taking a step closer or higher to climbing out of the rut my life has become. Patience and tolerance are a start.
I can be only one person; and that is me. I can live only one life; and that is mine. Heather is at an uncertain crossroads for the first time in her life and is having to chart an uncertain course. Many of us have been where she is; I'm muddling through, trying to pick my own course. As I told her earlier this afternoon I'm looking at and am having to deal with a future dictated by my disability, which is one reason why I've been pondering why I have this disability. I'm not going to have the typical future of a woman. I will have to rely on others to do things for me that I cannot do, and when I get older I may...will, if I don't get married, have to end up living in some care facility. Which I don't want. Unless...Heather, how about Auntie Shi comin' to live wid' you and the kiddies and bringin' three cats? *winks*
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