� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
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"Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.
"If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
"If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
"If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
"If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
"If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
"If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
"If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.
"If you are dyslexic, press 969696969696.
"If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.
"If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
"If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
"If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
"If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
"If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
"If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
"If you have short-term memory loss, press 9."
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