� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
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On the 1st or 2nd of July they plan to arrive home. The 5th or 6th Jessy plans on getting her endowments out. Who knows which temple. First it was Spokane, then Boise then Spokane and last I heard, it might be in the I.F. Temple. So I may or may not be escort. *shrugs*
Then in the middle of July Kami leaves for Austin to watch her friend Michelle play in the BCI tournament down there. She comes back five or six days later and is off again for something else, I think...
And that leads us into Aug. Jessy wants to get married the 2nd or 3rd. Btw, everybody except Dad and Jon (I think) know she's engaged. Well, three of us officially know as we've talked to her--Kami, Mom and I. Mom told Jen, Mike and Aubree, but they're to act surprised when Jessy is able to tell them. Dad and Jon are the only ones out of the loop totally, so...
Then there's yesterday. My case manager, who helps me with the programs I need, like income and physical therapy, came. At the end Mom just had to mention my nonstatus as a student. "Tell Lloyd about school," she prompted.
*growls* I never should have told her about the dismissal and just handled it myself! Me and my big mouth. Maybe Kami is right. Perhaps I am a big mouth. *sigh* She will not listen or respect my wishes about not talking to the professor or the school. She will not let me handle it my way, which really upsets me. I am an adult, for Pete's sake. It's my situation, and I created it unfortunately. It irks me that she will not back off. I feel like she is doing it or is going to because I am her disabled daughter. If I weren't one of the two, I doubt she'd do it. From then on I was a bundle of nerves the rest of the day. She later told me in front of Lloyd I need to figure out what I am going to do for the rest of my life. Like I haven't been trying. *sarcastic tone* My stiff neck worsened.
I know it seems trivial, but... It makes me feel so helpless. Sometimes I really resent being in a wheelchair. People seem to think I'm fragile, that I need guidance, needing my hand held with every figurative step I take. I'm tired of it! I have to fight to prove myself it feels like. Just once I'd like to be able to pursue something without someone doubting the feasibility of the action or myability to carry it out. I was so stressed about this that a seizure came on so quickly like when a snake strikes a victim. But oddly, I came out of it several seconds later. It was as if a switch had been turned off. But I was a quivering mass of jelly afterward with a pounding headache. My fingers hurt from gripping the bars so tightly. That's when I broke down and a banshee of crying jag. I was surprised, yet not, that nobody heard me. I was determined to have it out, so I could wake up with my emotions stronger. It felt like a meltdown at a nuclear power plant. I huddled under the covers, shaking.
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moon phase |
