� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
�
Lesson one: There is no escape from your reality. You can daydream all you want, tucking yourself inside that wonderful corner in your mind, but... In the end the very things you shied away from are still there. For example, my frustration of all summer long. Y'all know I've screamed, rebelled and fumed. I've daydreamed to escape. Of life after graduation in Utah. On my own, again. Idealistically it's represented a new slate for me. A new phase. But, the source of the frustration is still there. It will be until I can say adios to Valley Medical. And I realized that today I'm just going to have to suck it up, grit my teeth and dog Brent until my wheelchair is the way it needs to be. I'm tired of waiting and it's time one major source of frustration was eliminated.
Lesson two: (from last night's conversation) You never know who expects you to be there as a "true friend." Stephen and I have been talking for several months now. He has given me the impression he has romantic feelings still (from his own mouth), but right now all we are are friends. Part of my depression stems from being placed right back in the "good ole buddy" bracket again--where I've been most of my life while friends all had boyfriends. He shared some news that's good, but in my loneliness I proved human. His expectation that I be happy for him and nothing but fell short. Yes, I am happy he has a date. But I also am lonely and would like to be with somebody myself, who thinks I'm all that. Milo right now is in Georgia so I can't be held or tickled or what have you. But hey, if we were in close proximity...hey hey hey! *laughs* At least if there were no sparks, we'd still have an awesome time hanging out.
Lesson three: Be grateful for your lot. I may be stressed and depressed a bit, but I learned today that even with my "load" I have it good compared to Mom. She is worried about money and getting the house certified for my new care program, has a beef with Kami's chauvenistic basketball coach, and then there's Grandma. Poor Heather has deadlines up the wazoo this coming week. By rights they have more to complain of than me. Makes me glad I have the least.
Lesson four: (was learned by Kami) My sister finally in my treads so to speak. She and Dad have been asking why I never get in my other chair till the parts arrive. Yesterday she got in my seat (of the new one) and nearly took walls, the couch, Mom and the table out. "Now I know how you feel, Shiloh," she comiserated. "I won't say anymore. This is hard!"
That was worth the looks Dad gave her and having her almost wipe out, if she now understood why I sometimes wipe out and don't really want to be in it till it can be of good use to me. 
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moon phase |
