� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
�
Logging on after bowling this morning Heather and I soon were chatting, like we usually are. "So what's new or exciting?" she wanted to know then informed me, "My brain's not working today."
I automatically opened my mouth as if to speak to her while typing my words, like Meg Ryan did in You've Got Mail. But I stopped short. By rote or out of habit I was going to say, "Nada, you know everything from my journal. Or from what I told you."
But instead I went for blunt honesty before I rethought about using the nada banality. "I'm irritated."
Before she had a chance to wonder what was up I answered the obvious question. Why? "Life in general. Dad's complaining and griping. Aubs is constantly yakking. I'm gonna miss a best friend's wedding. You're twitterpated to the point of sweetness overdose. I need a social life."
The list could have gone on a bit more, but those were the more immediate irritants. And believe me, they were/are irritating enough. When Dad complains you wanna be invisible. Aubree is a chatterbox with the volume on high and with an Energizer battery that keeps going and going and going... And Sam (Sandy), my former care provider in Poky, is gettin' married Saturday. However, we as a fam will be in Utah seeing grandparents, as Mike will indeed ship out to Iraq for 500 days. And Heather, well she's in love so she can be excused, but her status messages on Yahoo! are getting...too something. Too sweet is the nice way of saying it. Hoky is getting up there. She's had "rather high on Acid," "loving and being loved" and now it's "lost in love." I know she's in love; it's great, it's grand. But please, don't give me sweetness overdose and ruin a great song for me. (Lost In Love by Air Supply.)
Yes, that's selfish of me, but I'm sorry. You can only take a twitterpated person's gushing for so long before even you overdose on their love. I'm happy for her and Acidcrawl. I really am. But I'll be hearing about and seeing a lot more of their love in the coming months, and rather than making a cross with my fingers to ward them off I'd rather be able to enjoy their love with them.
Which in a roundabout way brings me to another irritant which occurred last night. Heather's right in that I shouldn't let it bother me, and logically I know it's untrue, but it still stung.
I donno how or why I keep attracting flakes or undesirables through Yahoo! messenger but I do. Last night was the latest in a string of recent undesirables. *shakes head, remembering* Eesh, and this one started out so promising. I shoulda followed my gut and not added him once he had to go for a bit. I shoulda waited for the boom to be lowered on me before I even added him to my friend list. From past experience I knew there had to be a dissonant chord in this swelling melody somewhere. It's just not my luck to have a solid, decent, meaningful, long-lasting friendship or relationship with a guy begun online. It's just not. I dunno what it is, but every time I hope or try at a friendship online with a guy...the association takes a nosedive sooner or later.
It's just lucky--or irritating--that the dissonant chord was played early in the piece. Lucky 'cause I didn't waste emotion or anymore time on the guy after he proved to be "my way or not at all." Irritating in the fact that once again another chance at a possible friendship went down the drain with his pronouncement of why I'm 29 and still single.
We were talking about religion and love (two subjects I'm never going to discuss together with any guy again other than my fianc�). If I marry. He wanted to know if I would convert to a religion other than my own for the right guy--he's looking for a Christian woman of his own faith or one who will convert to the Baptist church for him. Not God, him. Tells you something right there, doesn't it.
I skirted the question 'cause I knew we were close to entering deep or troubled waters. So I answered his question with another truth. I would marry a non-member if I loved him. Then I asked him the same question.
"I'm pretty set in my faith," he said. "So I doubt it."
Then he asked me again, "Would you convert for me?"
"No, I wouldn't," I replied promptly, explaining my reasoning: "If I believed in the faith, then I'd do it for me." I'd do it because I'd believe it was the true faith or the faith I most agreed with.
"I see," Bill said, not really seeing at all obviously because he added, "Then it becomes an issue of you not doing anything for the right guy."
I disagreed. "No. It has nothing to do with that. It's about me doing what's best for us both as a couple and for myself as a person. My fianc� will want me to what's best for us both and myself."
He countered that with, "It's not about your fianc� or you wanting what's best. It's just you won't do a thing for the right guy. I can see why you're still single. You won't do anything at all for the right guy, and no guy wants anyone who will not do anything for them."
Can anyone blame me for smoldering? Sitting here in front of zee screen with eyes narrowed and the blood hot in my cheeks? I considered firing back a nasty response about how he's such a prize that, at the same age (as I am) he's still single too. Ooohhh he's such a prize that he has to search the Internet for a bride instead of among the young women who go to his own church! He's such a prize that women have left him to his single status this long because he's so high above them in superiority as a specimen of the human race. They couldn't possibly compete or be good enough for the likes of him.
And his "convert for me, but I probably won't convert for you" crap. Whatever happened to converting for yourself, for God, because you know, you feel this is right? Bill obviously isn't too into his professed faith or Christ if the woman has to convert for him and not the Lord. I can see why he's still single.
The reason or reasons I'm still single are these:
He's just a jerk.
And I've been irritated since last evening.
"Mom says people were irritated at bowling on Tuesday," Heather told me. "And Acid said people at work were irritated yesterday."
She pondered this. "Hmm, must be something in the air that is catching."
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moon phase |
