After I pictured the fairy tale a lot of brides go for at their weddings, I pictured a wedding going down the tubes, crashing and burning by the day's end. Wouldn't it be something if that did happen? It wouldn't be good, but it'd be something. The bride and groom going through the ceremony, both saying "I do," and then one or the other being found in the arms of another person of the opposite sex later on that evening. Or one or the other saying, "This was a big mistake. I want an annulment."

I've seen good marriages; and I've seen less than desirable ones and seemingly good ones that have ended in divorce. I don't know of any lil girl who doesn't dream of her wedding day when she grows up. For a lot it is the fairy tale wedding, with their idear of a "princess" dress. They'll walk down the aisle on their father's arm, all the while gazing rapturously into their love's eyes. Then, standing together with their beloved, they'll listen to the priest's admonitions and advice and then happily repeat their vows before God, the priest and their witnesses (family and friends). And afterwards, at the reception, they'll party and have fun, saving at least one dance for their daddy. Then it's off on the magical honeymoon they'll go, wherever that might be. Perhaps Jamaica, or Bermuda or even the Grand Canyon.

I myself have dreamt of my wedding since I was eight or nine-years-old. I dreamed of growing up, finding my love and having a sweet lil ceremony. I've even drawn my dress and the engagement/wedding ring that would be so cool to have if it existed. I've chosen and changed the colors for the wedding several times. Currently, they are royal (or pansy) purple and white, with gold accents. The cake topper I would love to have is a clear statuette or figurine of the temple we get married in.

I still dream, though not as often. The dream is slowly fading from my reality. Sure, if I got out more I might find somebody, but that still is no guarantee. Is it? I'm sure I'd find a guy or two, but whether they'd be the right kind of guy is questionable. There seems to be no end to the type of guys who'll show interest in you no matter what because they're after one thing. Sex. You can be a Plain Jane, and they'll still want you and try to get you under the covers. The good ones, however, are scarce anymore. They're either taken, caught up in other things or they just aren't interested in ya.

I've discovered though, recently, I'm not much one for dating. I've never been comfortable with it; hanging out, on the other hand, I can do with ease and joy. Now, if I just had a guy friend... *soft smile*

I'm not sure what precipitated the "crashing" part of my response. Perhaps there is some cynicism in me about weddings...or *thinks a moment* perhaps I've seen and heard enough to be picky. I know what I want and what I don't want. I refuse to settle for "Mr. Right Now, Mr. Let's Have a Little Fun" or "Mr. Maybe He's the One." It's highly possible and more than probable that I won't be getting married in this life. But that's ok. There are worse things than being single in this life, like being in an abusive marriage or an unhappy one. I'd rather wait and get it right the first time 'round.

moon phase