� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
�
For a week now I've had screwed up dreams. I haven't been able to shut my mind off till past midnight. I sleep yes, even sometimes wake up a lil refreshed. But by five I'm tired. And it seems if I go to bed by 10:30 or earlier, I sleep later than I do if I go to bed by 11:30-midnight.
The dreams themselves don't necessarily wake me, or truly scare me. They're just...disturbing. In the first one I remember some guy in a red SUV was trying to run me down.
For some reason I was staying with a friends parents. They're into bowling and in my dream they bowled nightly just down the block. I remember knowing some guy was after me. I didn't know why though. Twice, when I decided to visit the bowling alley--once for a walk, once to seek companionship and protection--it was a race for my life. The nights were inky, lit only intermittently by the golden glow of street lamps. I was on the sidewalk in the shadows of buildings lining the town's street. The SUV--I knew it was red from whenever the lights shone off of its exterior--rode in the street, chasing me, waiting for an open area where I would be an easy target. The second night we played cat and mouse he had a new trick. He had circled and found a bank's drive-thru and came at me from the right as I had to cross that exit into the street. I remember he squared off on my side just as I reached the exit. I pushed the joystick of my wheelchair forward as far as it would go and tried to make the last several yards to the bowling alley. For some reason my bishop and a few other adults from my friend's ward were having a relaxed meeting. Then all a sudden the scene changed. I was in a hospital bed on my side, and an orderly, perhaps the guy, was giving me a shot in the arm.That's when I woke up. My second dream was equally disturbing. No one was trying to kill me this time, they just...ostrasized(sp?) me. It was a group of young writers who were into vampires, etc. who wrote a series about those creatures and similar beings. In order to join this group I had to be initiated. And of course, and some initiations are, it wasn't nice. I refused to do it and gave them a severe tongue lashing. Which was of course, why they turned their backs on me and literally ignored me. I remember waking up thinking 'I shoulda told them I was a vampire...' Some dreams huh?
My subconscious is trying to tell me something, I know, or at least manifest whatever it is I'm feeling. What that is exactly, I donno. I just wish I knew.
Poetry.com sent me another letter today. In addition to the anthology, they're wanting to put this poem:
Farmhouse Memorieson CD and cassette. I still don't know for sure if it's all legitimate--some people think it's a scam--but if it is legit, what could it hurt? I haven't sent any money and won't until I can find out for sure I'll be in this anthology that's to come out in the fall.If I could go back,
Back into childhood and relive
Those days gone by
Oh how happy I would be.
To live again those moments
Of peace, simplicity and harmony.
To be once more a small child
In my grandparents' little farmhouse;
Listening to the drone
Of Grandpa's tractor outside,
While helping with chores,
Or playing with dolls.
Then to hear the motor stop
And Grandpa coming,
Carrying in Baby Michael--
Asleep from his tractor ride
Out in the field.
Oh how happy I would be
To live again those moments gone by
Of peace, simplicity and harmony.
It (the poem) was an English assignment I had my senior year of high school. March 1993. Welp, I just got an email from the Internat'l Library of Poetry. Gonna go see what it says. Ta.
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moon phase |
