We may not often know, yet we have the free agency to choose what we do or how we react to what is placed before us. This gives us the control to guide our lives in the way we would ultimately have them go.

We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust our sails.

No one else can or should be able to. It's your life, your destiny. Some people believe our fates lie in the stars; that they're already mapped out for us and we're just riding along on the cosmic waves, being dealt the karma we've earned in a previous life. Others don't believe in fate, destiny or coincidence, or even in reincarnation. We're here to make our own way, and anything we earn, good or bad, is through our own choices and labor.

I'm somewhere in between. I believe in fate, or destiny, to a degree. I believe some things are meant to happen in their own time, place and circumstance irregardless of what we choose. Like my Patriarchal blessing, for example. My parents wanted me to get it at 16, 17 years of age. That's when my mom got hers. But I felt I was taken care of enough that I didn't need extra guidance from the Lord then. Plus, even though most of my friends had gotten theirs by that time, I just felt like it wasn't time. Then I turned 18 and started having panic attacks every night after recovering from my latest surgery.

I was scared and miserable; I'd never before experienced panic attacks. (They went from January to April of '94.) By April I was worn down emotionally, maybe even mentally. I finally gave in to my parents' prodding to get my Patriarchal blessing. I went through the proper channels, getting an interview with the bishop and then stake president, but when it came time to contact and make an appointment with the patriarch, I could never reach him any time throughout the week I tried. His phone was either busy or it rang without anyone picking it up. It just wasn't my time.

I let it go until I turned 21. I was now graduating from Ricks and was going to start ISU in the fall. I was going to be moving out and living on-campus in Poky. I now felt loosed from my moorings in a safe port and in need of extra divine guidance. So, on my own I set up the appropriate interviews again with the bishop and stake president, got them, then set about contacting the patriarch. Miracle of miracles, this time I got through! On the first try! It was my time, finally. My time and everything fell into place as it hadn't the first time.

It was something that was supposed to happen, but it happened in its own time, place and circumstance.

Then there are the things that seem to happen for a reason, either known or unknown, in consequence to actions or decisions we make. But those same things or consequences can be different if we happen to choose an alternate path. Take my friend, Christina, for this example. She chose to live wildly. Among other things, she chose to party, drink, smoke and do drugs. She chose to be where she shouldn't have been and paid a dire consequence.

In '98 she was in a major car wreck that almost cost her her life. The doctors didn't think she'd live. She's very lucky she did, but she ended up losing part of her leg. She was also in a wheelchair until sometime this year. Had she not been with the crowd of friends who encouraged that lifestyle, and had she not been in that truck with a few of those friends that day, she would still most likely have her leg and no scars from the accident and subsequent surgeries marring her body.

This didn't need to happen; she could've chosen an alternate course for herself. She had the free agency. But there is the belief it needed to happen to help her turn her life around. The way she was living, had she continued steaming full-speed ahead on that course, she would have ended tragically dashed upon the rocks. Or even high-centered upon a sandbar in shallow waters. The accident for her was a wake up call. It wasn't, of course, an overnight change, but it was a start to something better. And she made the deccision not to give in or to give up. Now, several years later, she's back in the church, loving herself, loving life and is happy. She's a whole new person.

I believe some things are meant to be and some things, which seem fated, are influenced or brought about by our choices.

For Mother's Day we went to Burger King. On the wall behind the booth where Mom sat opposite me hung a Star Wars� Episode III poster. Below the portrait of Darth Vader it read in white lettering: Your choices define your destiny. Choose wisely.

Choose wisely. That, ultimately, is the key to whatever destiny we want, we hope, to fullfill. Anakin Skywalker had the potential to be one of the greatest Jedis, the Force was so strong with him. But in choosing the Dark Side he chose power and cruelty. As a consequence, he lost the woman he loved and had fought alongside and the children he never knew he had until it was almost too late. But, like Christina, he found redemption in one last wise decision: He chose the life of his son, Luke, over his allegiance to the Empire. In the end of Return of the Jedi, Anakin stood with Yoda and Obi-Wan, watching his children and the Rebels celebrate their victory and the fall of the Empire.

Life is uncaring and deals out what it wills to us. We all want to be happy in this life or in any life, but ultimately, it up to us to make our happiness, to create a destiny we want.

I am the master of my fate; the captain of my soul.

moon phase