� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
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Instead I'm going to wax philosophical for a bit. This year is still young yet, and already I feel as if I've grown in wisdom. Not by leaps and bounds, of course, but still...I feel I've learned more in the few months since this year's birth than in the five or six month period before it. A lot I guess--well, most of it actually--has to do with what's been going on this past month. Facing and struggling to accept mortality can really sober and mature you. When last I updated I didn't know it at the time, but mortality wasn't quite through with me. *wry smile* In fact, it's still not; it won't be until I pass from this realm into the next. It's as Mom says, "From the moment we are born, we're dying." We start aging the moment we take our first breath. And each second, each minute, we grow older.
I know this is no comfort to those who are dying of terminal illnesses or diseases such as cancer or Lou Gerrick's(sp?) Disease, or to their relatives, but they're no punishment either.
I have often said I feel as if I had chosen to have this disability in this mortal existence, for whatever reason. I didn't always understand that, though. It wasn't until I gained adulthood that I began to feel this way. And my patriarchal blessing confirmed it. (For those who do not know what this is, it's a blessing that performs a similar purpose to that of a Native American vision quest. It is divine guidance or personal revelation that will help the individual through life, if he/she lives by it.) *soft, teary smile* In the beginning I was assured that my disability was not a punishment for anything I had done or that my parents had done. I knew that to begin with, but still it was a comfort to hear and I think my mom, who was also present for the blessing, needed to hear that.
But I'm getting offtrack from what I wanna say here today. The father-in-law of a friend died last week and she wanted me to go to the viewing/small service they held this past Monday. So Mom and I both went. Afterwards, a mutual acquaintance of ours, both Mom's and mine and my friend's, and her husband came over to where Mom and I sat. I went to school with Chris, Ruth's oldest boy of four--all of whom have Muscular Dystrophy (MD). She is one of the nicest people I know, yet my memories of Chris are less than fond or pleasant.
Most every kid in school at some point or other has a tormentor who makes their life heck. In sixth grade he was mine. He and another kid, Billy, and I had to share an aide that year. Ooohh how I hated that year! Almost every morning I was in tears and I looked for excuses not to go. Oh, not necessarily because of Chris, although he did add to my misery. There was an unsigned hateful note in my locker one day that just totally hurt when I read it, but I know it was him.
Back then and throughout junior and senior high school he was just a holy terror. A kid with a temper, foul mouth and bad attitude. In junior and senior high I stayed as fffffaaaaaarrr away from him as I could. Of course, after graduation our paths no longer crossed, even infrequently. I heard he'd gotten married and had started a family. The part of me that considered him bad seed was surprised anybody'd have him, but I guess for a while she saw something in him that he never allowed anybody else (outside his family) to see. But sometime later they got a divorce.
And sometime last year or so tragedy hit their family. Becky, the youngest and only daughter of Ruth and her husband died from an unknown illness. Chris was close to his sister, who was a sweet spirit. Her death affected him greatly, and I guess, from what I hear from Rosemary (my friend), who's his care provider and his mother, from when we visited with her after the service, he's changed. No more is he the bad tempered bad boy. He's softened into a quiet, grateful, humble man. When I first heard of the new Chris months ago, I thought, No way. That's not the Chris I know and remember.
But listening to Ruth, his mother on Monday I realized it was true and marvelingly accepted it. People can change. He's become a better person and is getting his endowments out soon. Sadly, though, the MD is taking its toll on him and he's going downhill. But he's found peace, he's found love in the Lord and he'll be with his sister and family in the eternities. *soft smile* I have learned much. Even the most hopeless person has hope and can change.
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moon phase |
