� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
�
Yes, I know I'm being dramatic. Heck, I was accused of being a drama queen one time by a guy online, who was very quick to judge a person. I guess I'm in a dramatic state of mind today.
It's been ugly out today. At 9:30 this morning it almost looked like it was seven instead. Perhaps the overcast mood of the day has affected my own.
Perhaps it's even because a small thing has reared up the occasional desire for a "normal" life of walking that's caused this moody bent. I dunno, but you'll have to bear with it for today.
I guess I've gotta get used to the fact I won't be goin' through life like everyone else. I have a disability that limits me and causes others, including my own family to look at me differently. =os Yes, I have special needs, but have the typical dreams like most everyone of a home and family of my own. Thing is, the vibes I get from my fam--and I may be misinterpreting these, I'll admit right up front--are that they think I'll be single my whole life. And the parents have complained that the rugs and floors are wearing out because of me driving over them constantly, that the rugs are buckling for the same reason; they've even said in the past that the broken hinges of the toilet seat and the leaking seal round it are because of me as well.
Mom made the comment I was wearing the carpet out yesterday. I almost retorted, "You know, I've broken the toilet [in the past], I've buckled the rugs, I'm wearing out the rugs. If you want, I can just move out."
I'm not the only one who goes over the rugs. Over the 20 years we've lived here there have been the seven of us. It's ooollldd house. I can't have been the only one to be the cause for slow wear and tear. What do they want me do? Stay in one place? Hover in the air?
Ok, ok. That wasn't really mature or fair of me. I'm just tired of being the one or the main one who is the cause, for lack of a better word, for these stupid things. Carpets and rugs are walked on eeevveerry single day; they wear the heck out. And I am lifted on and off the toilet seat. I just sit there when doing my business. It's not like I rock and roll on that baby. Why can't someone else be named the cause?
The only thing I can't and won't deny is the scraping and scarring of wood when I've accidentally or neglectfully hit the wood. Even then, however, Mom and the kids have had a hand in that; I wasn't alone.
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Remembering this, he wept bitterly, lying now on his side, now on his back, now on his face.
~Homer, The Illiad~
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moon phase |
