� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
�
quite good, sillyI found reasons 14 and 15 for remaining single! You really need to read the first 13 reasons though, before continuing on with this entry.
*These two stories could actually be true or...not. I dunno where this person got them, but they sure are side-splitters!
I'll show you zipping, he thought, and briskly whipped it up and down the slide till it broke. He had to cut her out of her favorite dress, which didn't make her any happier with him. They went their separate ways to work, both boiling mad at each other.
The wife was on a slow burn all day. When she got home that evening, she walked through the garage and saw her husband under the car fixing something, with only his legs sticking out. She decided her moment of REVENGE had come.
She leaned over, grabbed his pants zipper and whipped it up and down. Quite content with what she'd done, she walked into the kitchen, where she found her husband standing by the sink. Sheepishly, she asked him, "Who is in the garage, under the car?" She was told it was a neighbor who had come over to help work on the car.
The acutely embarrassed wife asked her husband to help explain the situation to the neighbor, and they both returned to the garage. They asked him to come out from under the car, but he didn't respond. When they finally dragged him out, he was unconscious and bleeding, from slamming his head into the underside of the car each time he got zipped by surprise!!
That was the public version; in private he confessed that it happened when his wife brought some potted plants indoors after they had been out on the patio all day. A friendly garter snake had hidden in one of the pots, and later slithered out across the floor and the wife spotted it.
"I was in the bathtub when I heard her scream," he related. "I thought she was being murdered, so I jumped out of the tub and ran to help her. I didn't even grab a towel. When I ran into the living room she yelled that a snake was under the couch. I got down on all fours to look for it, and just then my dog came up from behind and 'cold-nosed' me. I guess I thought it was the snake and I fainted dead away.
"My wife thought I'd had a heart attack and called for an ambulance. I was still groggy when the medics arrived, and lifted me onto a stretcher. Just as they were carrying me out, the snake came out from under the couch and obviously frightened one of the medics. He dropped his end of the stretcher...and that is when I broke my arm."
So, there you have it folks. Two more reasons to stay single: You won't surprise and maim an innocent neighbor only trying to do a good deed because you're mad as hops at your spouse. Aaannnddd you won't break your arm in an embarrassing situation because your wife brought her plants in with an expected guest.
* Stories found here.
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