� 2001-2006 by Shiloh
�
a headache
Sleeping Beauty is the myth I have lived by. She is the heroine in the Princess and the Muse, a story I wrote many years ago.
Once she is awakened here she will live out another ending. No handsome prince to marry! Instead, she will have her creativity awakened.
What is the myth you live by?
Heather, L'Enchanteur
Actually, to be completely honest and forthcoming, my life right now is not quite Beauty and the Beast yet. That tale or "stage" of my life is waiting in the wings at some point in my future. The reason I count it or claim it as a personal myth now (besides it being my absolute favorite fairy tale) is, if/when I ever fall in love and have someone love me in return, because of my disability and wheelchair, I easily see our courtship paralleling that sweet tale. The man whom I end up with is going to have to be like Beauty, seeing beyond the exterior to the soul beneath. *soft smile* In a metaphorical sense then, I am the Beast. A nice role reversal there. *wry smile*
Currently, however, you could say Sleeping Beauty applies to me. Or to my heart. I have been in love with the idea of love several times, and except for a couple of near crossings of the line (from friendship to love), I have never been in love before. (Lucky me.) Oh, I've had my heart bruised and battered, enough to realize how lucky I am I never actually fell in love with the...doofuses I fancied at different points in my adult life. *rolls eyes just thinking about them*
I feel like--once again this is something I've said often--my heart is slumbering like that fabled maiden of yore, waiting for her prince to come and awaken her with true love's kiss. There is someone special out there for me; I can sometimes feel him. He alone has the power, or key, to awaken my slumbering heart.
*bites lip, pausing and thinking* With him, whoever he turns out to be, I instinctively know I won't be afraid, afraid of dating, afraid to be alone on a date with him, for I know (am hoping?) it'll feel right nearly from the beginning.
Yes, I'm afraid of--or have an aversion to--single dating. Yeah, Shi, they really wanted to surf this site to stumble upon a self-psycho-analysis of your dating phobia. All Heather asked for was what myth you live by and you end up turning the exercise into a psychology session. Good one.
But it's true. I realized I'm uncomfortable with single dating when Erick again suggested we go to a movie sometime and said he wants to take me to someplace called Game World. I've only been on five dates in my life, and I wouldn't call them successes by any means, and I'm sorry to admit this, but, and it's no reflection on the guys, I really didn't have all that much fun. It's me! When I'm around guys, cute or those seemingly interested in me, I lack...confidence...I'm self-conscious! I worry and wonder, Do I look ok? Do I smell ok? And on and on.
I donno why I think everything will be different with the One who'll awaken or unlock my heart; I've just had, for a long time, an instinctive feeling that it will be and that's how I'll know him to be the One. The "spell" on my heart will be broken. His key will have unlocked and freed it. The slumbering maiden (or heart, in my case) will finally know love, and we'll move on to making our own "ever after."
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